August12th to August4th

August 12th, 2005
little one your precious heart
Little one your very primitive precious heart starts beating in about a half an hour well some time on the 12th not exactly sure when but none the less I m aware of your hearts first beating.
How beautiful you are.
So loved So Adored. So wonderful
What a beautiful beginning. All of us together. So amazing . your new life together.
I promise I will do the very best that I can to bring you love and happiness in every way that I can. Little one you are so welcomed.
Your father is such a divine being you will love him so much as I do and we will be a giant energy of pulsating love.


Today I have ate:
Pasta with garlic onions rosemary yummy sacue and mushrooms
Shortbread cookies 3 of them
A veggie burger with lettuce and maricle whip ( LOVE IT J)
Green goodness
More green goodness
A apple
Water
Red cherries
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:49 am care to comment
August 11th, 2005
a bright day
I really have to apologize to my dear husband I have been very turbulent up and down on a constant basis. I cant even predict when it will come out of no where unsuspectingly from the dark crevasses of my emotional terrain.
Sometimes I m just sad or irritated for no apparent reason and I hope that john knows that I m not mad or upset with him or anything at all for that matter its some kind of weird balancing happening inside of me.
Like it needs to happen to get back to normal. A flux of raw emotion.
And because I m not sure how we plan to have our child sometimes I get scared about things because I haven’t really told my diary a lot about my lack of respect and faith I have in conventional medicine and healthcare. Well I cant stand it or tolerate it at any means. I don’t believe that some doctor should tell me when to push and what to do . I will do things at my own pace and the way WE want things to be. Because this is a sacred experience and I will not dampen it with a conventional soulless environment. ( sigh)
I have like yesterday I m so sorry I couldn’t write much of anything but wallerings of a emotional train wreck . lol I had morning sickness all day yesterday dry heaving and feeling very sick every 20 min. it seemed and I was so tired so I thought I would try to write more today to make up for yesterdays lack. We have decided some very important crucial details about the parenting what to do and what to avoid . It is really comforting to discuss such things because there is so much to have a hold on and a opinion on.
I guess because I have been feeling rather up and down sometimes I feel like everyone is mad at me for being pregnant not that I m pregnant but the moods I go thorough because of it. John ready does so much for me and I m so thankful all his efforts are not going un noticed.

You work hard and I know you do. I yes will I promise find something that I can do. And I m sorry money will come easy it cant and wont always be like this. I watched that 80’s movie look who’s talking I know its kinda dorky but I cant help it I love it. It shows some of the most beautiful parts of parenthood. I really have been noticing more and more my husbands beauty. Not just his psychical beauty. Not to say that I didn’t see it before but now I see it everywhere. He is so wonderful his intellect is truly amazing hes a genius so very intelligent. Never failing to bring my brain into awareness of something I didn’t previously know of. So wonderful. He is going to be the most perfect father in the entire universe. Playful genuinely sincere and gentle and kind and completely loving. Im so lucky to have married my soul mate and we are creating our OWN family.
I have never met such a wonderful amazing man as my husband. He is what every man should asprie to become.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 02:04 pm care to comment
August 10th, 2005
unstable at best toady
Today I have had morning sickness ALL day aftereating 2 salads of spinach with mushrooms radishes onions and snow peascrackers with cheese and protein drink and water that is all I have consumedtoady. Feeling sick dry heaving feeling unstable and hateful towards conventionalmedicine and health care feeling afraid of what I will do to people who may tryto stand in my way. Its my bed time for im sick and cant stop crying becausetoday im unstable.goodnight.

hello..we had several great moments today.. and some fun too.. it is justreally frightning unsure how all this is going to happen.. as thefather i am still very aware that there is nothing much i can do but besupportive and caring.. but i have to admitt sometimes i feel a bit ofstress.. enough of that.. christina got me rollercoaster tycoon 3 andit is very difficult to get those little mechanics to fix anything..that is the most agravating thing yet.. but christina built a littleshop that sells witch hats and it made her very happy to see the littlepeople in the computer simulation wearing those hats that they boughtat her shop.. the day seemed to go by very quickly

christina
i love you so much
i am always here for you
i care so deeply about you and our child
i pray for us all that this will be a good birth
i can not say how i feel
i ache to let you know
i need you





Posted by ripewithbaby at 01:22 pm 4 comments
August 9th, 2005
our little bean
Today you my little one have been on my mind all day not to say that I don’t all the time anyways but more than usual. Little one how small I know you are. Little bean.
Growing so fast each second day by day closer to being in our loving arms. I cant wait to look into your beautiful eyes and to hold you and love you. Forever. My child you are a true miracle. Life growing in my tummy. So much responsibility. So much to learn so much to teach to guide you to help you shine not to tarnish your beautiful spirit.
Little one hear my voice let it comfort you. You are safe right inside of my womb. nothing can harm you .when the day comes and we are no longer one flesh and you will have your own identity apart from mine. I will always protect you and be sure you know that you are always loved.
Me and jonny talked on the phone for like a hour while he was at work. I love talking to him we don’t really even have to say much.
I love you jonny you are such a amazing creature we are the same flame together we burn forever unified.
I love everything about you. The way you speak the way you express yourself the way you walk the way hold yourself also beautiful and unique.
My true love forever. I burn brightly for you.

Today I ate:
1 apple
Spinach
1 protein drink
1 horse
1 berry drink
Both sets of prenatal vitamins
Soy sausage with tomatoes sauce with fresh mushrooms
Red yummy cherries

i don't believe that she ate a horse.. but she was hungry enough that she might could have eaten a horse.. if it were a small horse.. and a vegatarian horse.. we are vegetarians and it would be against our diet to have a regular horse..

what an interesting day.. we saw that march of the penguins movie.. how horrible that would be to be an emperior penguin.. but then again it is such a marvolous creature.. the male actually goes without food for 4 months to sit on an egg.. and not just sit on the egg but carry it around with out dropping it through -80 below temperatures with winds up to 100 miles an hour.. huddled together with 100's of other father birds.. all banded together with the soul of the species on the line.. waiting for the women to make it back form the feeding pools an 80 mile walk away.. and if the women don't make it back alive.. the baby starves ... so many ways to lose a baby bird..it is sad yet an awsome triumph for that penguin.. living on the south pole!
i love christina.. and she in the past month has really figured out how to make me laugh.. i've never laughed so hard in my entire life as i have this month.. and there is almost nothing better that laughter.. so thankyou love

little bean.. remember that laughter and joy are the greatest gifts to share with the world.. that you deserve happiness.. and that it is something that already exist within you.. that if you harness it.. nothing can shake you from it.. you will rise above and through all obsticals with love like this

Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:30 am care to comment
August 8th, 2005
todays highlights
Today was a good day. We went toMichigan and went to annas and matts bridal shower. It was kinds strange but squares usually are. It was amazingly hot today so I didn’t really participate in much of the action and that I didn’t really know anybody so I just stayed inside and ate food and talked with my husband and ate food.nice drive there and back. We took a lovely nap today I dangled my feet in the pool before sun down and met a lot of new family members that I didn’t previously know. Everyone so excited about out babyJAnyways have been thinking much about our child today. We had a really great time on the way home as we always seem to do. I love to speak to my husband and fill him in on how it it that I got to him the paths I had to follow and the mistakes I had to make to my my dreams come true . being much more conscious that we are pregnant and noticing im not kidding in my belly I now know that it can be normal to show at your 5th week or 6th and iam for sure wow. I guess every woman’s body reacts different to pregnancy. Having talked about out future and knowing that I m bring new life into this world and that I m the vessel for such a miracle that now nothing can stop us. That this world damn well better know it has to change its dammed ways because OUR child is entering this world and I will not tolerate anything other than the best for our offspring.
I have to make a time to go fill my paper work o this week to get into my doctors to get hopefully a ultrasound J how exciting im Sooooo excited!
I will. I have some business stuff to do but hopefully it wont take long tomorrow.i plan on working at home so I don’t have to work while im pregnant. Honestly I have not much to say today.
I love you jonny
I love you little bean
Today I have ate:
Half of a luna bar ( now my taste buds are switching and I don’t like 2 much sweet)
Cucumbers a lot of them
Wheat thins in some yummy cheese dip and ranch sauce J
1 pear
½ pound amish potato salad
½ pound amish macaroni salad
Carrots
Cheese bites
Rhubarb stalk
1 ½ Pomegranate juice
Orange juice
water

hello.. i love you christina.. yes it was a fun day.. we visited my everyone in michigan.. now my mom and dad are divorced both with new people.. it has been a since 87 or something but it was really interesting to see her at the bridal shower of my brother matt it was at my dads house and well it is just interesting the way all the broken families can heal for the good of the children.. we went to my mothers and i told her long term long time boyfriend chuck that he was going to be a grandpa.. "that doesn't make me any older!" i just accept him as a step father as much as i accept debbie as a step mother.. that is my fathers wife.. having been a part of a family that went through divorces on all sides introduced me to a lot of real important truths and facts about relationship and love.. and i've waited for someone who i could totally love forever.. i am so happy..

today buttercup fell in the pool at my dads and was rescued by christina

love is so magical

little bean
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:28 am care to comment
August 7th, 2005
jumpy topics
Wow today was so long and started so early that I barely remember all that happened today. We woke up at 8 30 am which is not my cup of tea ( noon is much better)anyways we went to the doctors to confirm our pregnancy. As I suspected due date April 7th 2006 and im 5 weeks along. Im so glad I didn’t have to go alone. I really have such a wonderful supportive husband. So he had to work early so I did some house work and did some research at my parents today. I went and bought lots of food today about 200 dollars worth yum im so happy we have good nourishing food. melon and carrots greens and fruits.so then me and my mom painted finished up the nurseries base color and me and jonny painted grass underneath the fence I painted. I felt kinda bad today jonny snuck up on me to surprise me and I was jamming to old school but rock guns n roses. I know I know kind of lame but sweet child of mine is actually a good song.i was startled ( as I have been for the last few days , jumpy) the paint kinda flew outta my hands and stained our carpet woops. Lol.i haven’t really sang yet around jonny amazingly for some weird reason like some kinda of secret I keep. My voice hidden in a treasure chest. I love to sing weather or not it even sounds good. Anyways…besides painting the babys room and buying food conforming that we are indeed having a baby that’s what I did today.



Anyways…today I have missed jonny a lot I know I say this a lot but I cant help it. O yea and I bought finally a sports bra because let me tell you your breasts swell and ache when your pregnant. a sports bra helps soooo much.
I feel bad that when john comes home I m tired but being pregnant I m tired all the time , all the time! I would stay awake but I cant.



Ok now to writing about stuff other than all the details of my saturady. Beauty I feel beautiful to have a being growing within me. I hate my space I feel like its some kind of breeding ground for a super superficiality in disuse to a real connection that is never satisfying. To make others lust over their plastic fabricated bodies. I had to sign on to show my mom my profile because she wanted to read what john initially read about me so I did and I really hate that place it makes me feel bitter. Yea artistic pictures so its soft porn maybe its beautiful but I just cant see it as that. Who knows im bitter about this subject and I don’t see myself changing my standing with thinking regardless I am the most fabulous and the most beautiful and I don’t need silicone and stiletto heels to make me a goddess. Yes I know I share my spices with many but none other like I.
I feel like a pitbull anyone that is remotely in my territory zone I m going to lock jaw totally and start tearing apart flesh. So I wont share the spot light because I don’t have to. Yea I wanted to touch on the beauty issues that is phasing down and out of me (finally) I think because I used to be glam and now I don’t lead that lifestyle I forget how fabulous I was and that no one hold a candle to me hahahahaha…. Ah(sigh) I fell much better.
My beauty is the only of its kind and sometimes I feel like I could morph into hecate or the morrigan war and powerfull goddess maybe kali. YiKes!
Ok now I feel like a light goddess maybe Isis or Hathor.
Anyways my back hurts today I realy need a massage.
To get totally off subject like I have been.
I m so excited to be a mother and a wife.
I just want our family to be total and complete and obstacles that try to get I our way I will tear apart piece by piece because I m done with obstacles. No mercy. This is our path this is our destiny and no man woman child or being shall stand in our way.
My husband is mine and I m not kidding we are now a family and I will tear apart anyone with my astral razors of truth that would even think to hinder our path and love. My back hurts god I need a massage….
Today I ate:
Pomegranate juice
2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast
5 applesauce cookies
I small bag of carrots
Melon cantaloupe and honeydew and pineapple
1 apple

jonny im sorry i have been so tired and i know your ired when you come home but i really need you closer than ever befeore i have your seed growing inside of my womb so i need to naturally be close to you closer than usual. i love you so much. im sorry if i haev been crazy recently but i cant help it. i felt like that girl at the co op had somekind of weird energy towrds us im courious if there was anything that ever happned with that mabye thats why subconciously i dont like her.lol.besides those people being pricks.anyways.i dont want you to see any one more beautiful as i because i m now carrying your our child and i need to be that in your heart.im tired. i love you.i need you. we love you. daddy

the thing i am so tired of working this week and it is over and i worked more this week than in many months yet have a ton of energy but i act like i've had enough at work.. because i have.. i want to spend some quality time with my wife.. it is maddening.. i get crazy breakdown cussing in the car when i end up covering peoples shifts and such all week long.. though that is not the issue here.. it is so awsome that crazy frog is hitting the charts.. those russian people in the sub are saved.. political talk on the radio was vacant and void as it usually is on saturday.. i've a new cd.. guitar instrumental.. i like it.. that girl at the co op is just a cashier.. that is the only context that i've ever known or cared to know her in.. though i have known her a few years.. hello is about all there ever has been..

christina your voice is so amazing.. at first as i was walking in i didn't realize i'd cought you singing and you didn't know i was home.. but by then the solo started.. so i waited with buttercup at my feet stareing like what are you doing.. and through the solo i heard you humming and playing with words and wondered how you were going to sound.. then the where do we go where do we go now part kicked in and you started singing again along.. at first you had to adjust to get the tone you liked.. and then you hit the zone of perfect parrallel pitch and tone with the lyric as it axel sang it.. it was so wonderful.. so that it had to be seen to be totally believed how you could create such a audacious voice.. i was so exited and toward the end i came in to see you and you had your eyes closed while you sang.. so beautiful.. i needed to hold you right then but you didn't even know i was home.. and it was to late not to startle you and you heard me and opened your eyes and it took your brain a moment to adjust but by then the paint tray was out of your hand.. i'm so sorry.. but you got so funny.. saying that i reset you.. i love you so much

now let me think.. what else.. i got to go give my wife that massage!!

i love our baby
Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:57 am care to comment
August 5th, 2005
Friday Solitude
I just want to start out today with saying think you to my husband.
He works so very hard and long hours.
I appreciate everything that he does and I know that right now money is a slight stress and is kinda ploopy but I know it will get better.
HE does so much for me all the time . Always concerned with how I feel and if I m comfortable and always checking in with me usually just to tell me he loves me which brightens my whole entire day.

I had a very restful beautiful sleep last night feeling very rested but you know it….. still tired imagine that….
Sometimes I get bursts of insecurity is that from being pregnant I think it defiantly boosts it up a lot. I just strive to be the most beautiful for my husband finding no other as beautiful or as attractive asI.
I know I know this sounds bad but I m being 100% honest here and may be crucifying myself on the page… but it’s a driving need not just a want epically because I m carrying our child I feel like I hope I m seen as the most beautiful woman in the universe.
I feel empowered. very empowered today like I have tapped into some great powerhouse of energy but not just any energy power energy. That I just exude power and self possession. I was going to go get my blood work done today but tomorrow will work better for everyone. And hey its one more day I can put it off but I have to go tomorrow. Its not that im not going today just isn’t gonna work for me at all really.
I m later on going to see my childhood best friend and we are going to have dinner or go to the park or something I m excited. Its Friday john is gone all day today but that’s ok he seems to be gone a lot recently. I don’t like it. I wish a better job would come to him that the hours he works now already if he had a better job he would make so much more and maybe have benefits. And then my stupid jealously kicks in cause i know on fridays he has to talk to so many kinds of people I just hope hes not flirting with all the young bodies that exist. Not saying that I think he would but it would really kinda break something in me to know if that was happening. O any ways. Just need to get over it I guess not think about it. Im going to paint some more in the baby’s room today I m excited.
Ok so the day is almost done I went out to dinner with rose at Casas and it was such a wonderful time. I had so much fun we went to the cemetery but we left cause it was way cold and there were these 2 weird cats following us or seemed like it at least.damn spys !
Anyways today I have been to be honest unstable at best . very empowered one minute and the next in tears. I feel bad for my husband because of it im sorry.
Today I ate:
1 apple
Pasta
A half a block of cheese
Stuffed Salmon(omg so yummy J)
Mashed potoaotes
A Salad
A small loaf of bread with parmesan cheese and rosemary olive oil

Im going to take a bath so until tomorrow good night.
i really miss my husbund ....

it is true.. this week has been a lot of work.. i've had to get up early all most every day.. and come home late too.. my life has been just like this.. working so much with not much wealth to show for it.. my brother matt and i opened a pizza shop 2 and half years ago... well it was his investment and i help run it.. honestly.. i worked the first 6 months living in the shop and working for food.. but now it is the most income i've ever in my life earned.. but it hasn't really been enough.. but just enough to get by.. now i've a family to support and i don't yet know how i'm going to do that.. i don't know that the pizza shop will be able to do what i need it to.. something else is going to have to happen for me.. and i'm sure it will soon.. just not exactly yet.. one thing though.. i think that there is a lie that has seriously weakend our nation.. and that is the story that everything is ok.. fair.. and hard work pays off.. in a correct realization of a government yes... that is not what we have today... this is not a democracy.. it is something else that is pertending to be.. this is more like a megopolatic cooperation.. it is failing to be anything completly so it is failing to be anything that makes any sence.. at least to me.. luckily the ideas and intention for this nation seems to be winning out over the coruption of those who have screwed it all up.. and we have people on the other side of uganda claiming that there is only one true religion and all others must die.. flipping so the dukes of hazard got one star and a huge thumbs down.. while many say it was better than they expected.. and a group are poised in northern california to actually capture a live big foot... and if that isn't enough.. i got nothing more to say about that.. because i'm so wound up and excited after working all day to be home with my wife but by now she is sleepy and i have to take a shower still.. and i'm prone to few hours of sleep when i am eating healthy.. like no caffine and no meat.. and today under 1000 calories because i was working and just didn't eat.. so i'm all turbo charged and full of zannieness.. and buttercup is out of her little puppy mind moving form one corner of the bed to the other as i type this. trying to catch a fly in her mouth and laying ther looking at me then getting up and putting her head on my arm then laying back by the pillow.. just knowing probally but hoping it takes really long before she will be back in that deep dark kennel... and i'm wondering if she has to go to the bathroom because she still has not got the hang of going out doors.. all and all christina.. she is so absolutly beautiful.. you readers don't even know it.. but if you seen her.. and today.. she was so radiant.. so absolutly out of this world.. it is as if she is getting more beautiful all the time... you really are everything to me.. and i am devoted to being yours forever.. i so much love you my wife..

i am going to need to create more time to be home.. absolutly.. this world is going to have to bend to my intentions.. it is my ultimate will to spend a lot of time with my family.. it is my firm belief that family time is the most important factor that is missing today throughout this country and the whole world.. we have become consummed by work.. not just to have.. but to make ends meet.. well.. listen up.. creativly and peacefully i will open your wallet to your heart.. love is an element more prized than weapons grade plutonium.. and the only way to really save the world is to lighten the load and give more so that people can actually live the dream instead of dream the dream while struggling to make it.. the american dream is suppost to be something every citizen realizes.. not an out of touch ideal.. so write your congressman and tell them.. that money to nasa is a waste of tax payer dollars.. and that you want a reciet next month on all government expenses.. and if there is any blatent waste it is going to come out of there check

and for one moment i'd like to offer my mental apperatus to the engeneering of the mission to save those sceintist in the subberine in the pacific ocean... i expect them to return safely to the surface by the end of the hour

this whole world is very much going to change

i am in love


Currently feeling: hungry
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:52 pm care to comment
Dreamy Delight
Today I m really feeling tired. Realizing the under currents of what I m feeling. Feeling like I have no common familiar ground to cling to. Nothing is as it was before. The way I was living. My thought process my outlook into the whole world has and is changing dramatically. This is unfamiliar to me. These rapid changes and feelings that I feel.
Everything is so different. Feeling more and more like I have no skin everything passes though me making me vulnerable to all kinds of energies making myself feel more defensive energetically. Nothing to cling to that is familiar so I feel kind of outside myself but never before so much inside my own body. Pregnancy makes you feel yourself.

Its later in the day and im still so extremely exaushted.im not kidding. i cant stop yawning.


Ive spent most of the day doing research on my new unique beautiful condition. Joining pregnancy clubs so I can read other to be mommies message boards knowing that a lot of these feelings and symptoms are being felt all over the world many blessed women.
My husband has been out all day doing business stuff and I have been kinda lonely. Not so much lonely I just really have strong needs to be very close to him, all the time! Lol.
I took 2 naps today and I m still so tired.I went to go get blood work done today but they were just closing and I have to go back tomorrow or Saturday. Im not thrilled because Im so afraid of exams I cant even express to you its like horror to be touched and prodded by someone you don’t know or even trust. Not very happy about having to stop being stubborn and do it anyway I just want to rebel and say “hell no! get your prongy thing away from me, I m out!” but I know in reality I cant. I miss my hubby.

Today I ate:
Cajun Seasoned Brown Rice with jalapeño peppers
Lasangna with yummy ricotta cheese
4 Bread sticks actually 3 and 1 half bread sticks
1 Sprite( my first soda in like 3 or 4 months)really too sweet
Lots Of Water
White GrapeJuice
Carrots and Poppyseed Salad Dressing
after i eat i feel extremely ickky like i need to throw up it is really annoying let me tell you.

i didn't have much time to spend with my yummy wife today.. my brother needed me to help him evict some bad tennets at one of his rental houses in michigan.. we left at 6am.. 2 hour drive.. one way... any how.. the point is this house was trashed.. a large trailer of junk.. abandoned cloths and food and about 8 empty washing dergent bottles.. cases from video rentals without the movies.. the brand new carpet is totally demolished.. the walls are dirty.. crayons and broken toys scattered throughout the house.. these poeple have 3 children and a one month old baby.. now abstract from all that i could say about what happend today.. the most important is that i could never live like that.. i can't comprehend how anyone should be allowed to get away with that kind of mess.. well they solved it by not paying rent for near 3 months... never returning phone calls or answering the door.. still in this mess i couldn't help but remember children were being raised.. included in the discard were at least 15 pair of shoes for children and 5 bags of clothes.. i don't want to fall of topic but that just seemed insaine because none of the shoes seemed to match.. but anyhow... when we were leaving some rickity old skinny man was walking up to the house.. with a huge michigan bank roll in hand.. a wad of cash.. his extra thin tooth deprived woman was driving the mini van... we told them that the people they had come to see.. had been evicted.. as we were cleaning up 4 to 5 people stopped and drove away as if some buisness was going on.. the neighbor man said he could finally sleep feeling safe... that they always had near 20 visits through the night and all day long.. again i stress.. children being raised in this atmoshpere.. i'm just thinking about our own futures.. and the element of this society that i must gaurd my child against.. how to do that successfully.. how to keep those children and there peer influence away from my own.. honestly.. i have a feeling i will be a very proctective and radically involved father on all levels of our childs growth and education

i thought about these things today.. i was also sad and sorry that i couldn't spend more time with christina.. as soon as i got home i had a few hours and then had to be to work.. i only got home a bit ago and it is now 2am and i got to be back to work and 11am

friday

the most busy day of the week for me

still i must share the this... in all that we go through.. i strive to keep a good supportive attitude.. i strive to keep my mood up.. to stay joyful.. i really love life.. and i've never had so much to live for as i do now

Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by ripewithbaby at 03:29 am 2 comments
August 4th, 2005
Conception
I must say I do indeed feel more pregnant today. I have had the most wicked mood swings landing where ever I end up it seems. So today very happy and suddenly angry and sad. Moods terribly unstable. I had the conversation about birthing options with my parents and it really upset me because im totally afraid a true fear fills my body when I go into hospitals and I really really do not want to have our child in a hospital. I said that I don’t believe in abortions because life is a scared gift and should never be destroyed but having a baby in a hospital is like having a abortion. Because a piece of me will die and fade. That’s what happens to me in hospitals in general.
Our child is 100% completely planned and welcomed and loved.
The birthing experience is so sacred and I just want to make it magical not typical.

Today I ate:
Spiral Pasta ( I know more pasta)
Mashed Potatoes with butter and green seasonings( I love potatoes)
Noodles flavored heavily yum
Broccoli with lots of butter
6 shortbread fudge cookies
1 extra fudge brownie
Soy Milk Vanilla
1 slice of onion and cheese yum pizza( I know im naughty)
Lots of water


I couldn’t help my self I had to write about conception from a adopted pregnant woman’s perspective.
Okay first some basic points of reference that is really common knowledge to me. Life indeed begins way before birth.
I believe life begins before you enter your chosen mothers womb.
You are a thriving Spirit full of consciousness and awareness living on one of the spiritual planes of existence.
From my own opinion I believe that each life is like going to school each time you advance a new level of consciousness and spiritual vibration.
Sometimes satisfied with your growth and level you choose not to incarnate instead group with the godhead.
Having the choice to come to the Earth plane for a number of countless reasons.
To raise your vibration ever higher.
To help those of your soul group that have chosen a incarnation on the earth plane.
To help earth heal and bring forth spiritual divine light.
Making it more available to tap into on the Earth plane. To even out Karma.
There are countless reasons.
So you decide that you will to be incarnated and wish to lead a life in a physical body as your vehicle.
So with the exact reasons you have chosen to be incarnated you start interviewing potential parents that will offer you the lessons, the treatment, the experiences that will enable those reasons you choose to be incarnated to take place. Shaping and molding you Usually you will choose parents that are already a part of your soul family or reasons to settle karma with. Like a granddaughter having her baby that is the soul of her Grandmother that passed on.. Not very uncommon.
So you interview your potential parents and observe their lifestyle their hearts and spirits. You finally make you decision of whom your parents shall be and as conception happens you choose that body to nestle in that mother.
The moment of conception is really a tricky issue.
If you think about it most people that have sexual experiences are not usually in love or really care for each other it can be just for selfish reasons of instant self gratification.
So the way that the child is conceived I believe has a effect on the psyche. Out of lust and just totally just psychical and no real connection is defiantly going to be different than conceiving out of sacred union and true love with the will to conceive a child. Vs. not wanting a child.

As being adopted I feel I was a mistake not planned obviously and the feelings that I must have felt. My mothers fears. Finical fears not being able to care after another child after having 3 already. Emotional issues of giving up a child. And whatever else that was going on in her life had a dramatic imprint on me on a cellular and complete level.
Thats why i know its so importnat to
Acknowledge that our child was conceived with awareness through and out of love. The absence of lust. Wanting each other yes but not in a empty primal way. Through love and true love even better!
I just know the ways I felt unwanted sometimes and having read a lot on the subject knowing that those imprints have lasting affect s in my adult life . I need to make clear to our unborn child that she/he was and is wanted. Totally planned. Totally welcomed. In anticipation and excitement. 100% love.
I am so excited.. today was a great day.. i too was adopted from birth.. it has always for that reason been really important that one day I’d have children of my own.. because I’ve never known the biological connection.. I feel that it will fill in a lot of gaps that exist in my developmental frame of reference.. sure I’m witnessing the experience from the parental perspective but that is just great..

I love my wife!

I really want to be fully aware and present in the moments that we have to share.. I want to be the best father and husband..


I am going to read that book I picked up yesterday.. Christina had placed it on hold at the book store.. by depok chopra.. it has just came out in 2005.. about childbirth.. a holistic guide to pregnancy and childbirth”… it is called..






Currently feeling: hungry
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:24 am 1 comments