Week 33 of pregnancy

Week33

Moving in on the 33rd week! O my! How time does fly! Just 3 more weeks and we will all be in the safe zone, I think we will make it. I haven not surprisingly been having Braxton hicks as much as I was in November and December which is weird! They are suppose to get stronger and less frequent but maybe I just know how to deal with the pain it sends through your body in little shock waves.
Food: ON the food department I m getting just about impossible to please (your wonderful daddy does try and he always figures out something yummy for us to eat!). It seems there is noting left new to try. No new combinations to mix up. So I stick with my normal craving for no food cooked. Cooked food is repulsive and makes me cringe. My parents are overloaded on the pasta, way too much breads, and when I m there I m persecuted for not eating the unhealthy make me feel yucky choice of food. How annoying. So broccoli is really my favorite food right now you can find me munching on a lot! These sweet walnuts from the emerald company are especially yummy. Orange juice and the usual apple juice. Only purified water, spring water I cant drink because it feels like I m swallowing sand and is very unsatisfying. Watermelon is my new favorite as it was in the summer as well, cantaloupe and honeydew close 2ond and 3rd place for the fruit department. I eat lettuce easier than spinach which is usually the other way around but I find lettuce more juicy and sweet.
Anything sweet, that I can get my hands on, even cooked chocolate ( I know, it should be raw but….. raw chocolate is yucky!)

My belly is swelling with life so sweetly. Im getting used to my new body, I really have not gained a lot of weight, it is all baby. But I m not used to any extra weight I weigh 99 pounds normally ( not being pregnant) so my poor legs just don’t know what to think. Its hard to carry myself around, my hips pop too! They are preparing for the great emergence. Life J
It is quite painful when your hip doesn’t want to work with you and where your trying to go.
Spiritual Aspects: Well little one I have took note that you have been defiantly been spending more time inside your new almost fully developed body now instead of dwelling externally most of the time. I know that when you were smaller like in the beginning and 20th week I could feel your presence everywhere around me without, outside my body as such detecting a spirit in the room that’s what it felt like. Now you feel totally “in” sometimes. It makes me really happy to witness this. Your energy field is garmoungous and I know that it cant all fit into your tiny new body it will take time.

Little bean you have been very active but unlike the late 25 week to about the 30th week you were active all the time and could roll around now your space is about gone so you don’t roll around you just PUNCH and KICK a lot! Its so cool to watch my belly move around, and to know you are in there just livin it up.
Your father has been so supportive telling us how beautiful we are all the time and getting us what ever we want, he does so much. When you’re born (sometime after) we need to have pamper daddy week because he deserves it so much! We couldn’t do it without him, little spark.

New Blog Service

i had to move my blog over to this blog service because myblog was totally chinsy and they are rude people there. so.. i put my entire pregnancy journal over here.

August 3rd August 2 the beginning of ripewithbaby

August 3rd, 2005

the reality
Still soaking in the concept that im pregnant and that we are going to be parents. Wow. Amazing.

Little one how you shine
nestled so deeply in my dark fertile caverns
I m all you experience my every thought
My every feeling every food I savor
Are all yours.
We are one.
Teach me your song so I shall sing to youYou were made from love. You are Love.
I haven’t really had much of a chance to sit down earlier and write until now. Today has been an especially bi polar mood day so to speak because I haven’t been able to keep myself together all day. Its really amazing that my emotions feel stronger like they have more power. Knowing that every single thing I hear, see visually process, taste and digest, feel and emotionally experience is in fact being transmitted to our growing child . this is much responsibility that is put upon me. Not only is this for our child’s growth and development but for my awareness to grow and blossom and for myself to evolve further. Its like being pregnant is forcing me to stop procrastinating and really live the true ways of my heart. The ways I always say one day I will this one day I will that. But now I have to now! There is no time to wait and waste . Because that’s the thing with life you shut your eyes for too long and the moment is gone. Disappeared. Vanished .
I don’t want to miss my own life epically as a wife and a mother.
Today I have been really trying to understand that I have much personal work that I m needing to work out and through.
Today I was having a slight image issue because I still want and need to be desirable when my belly is swollen and ripe. A issue of safety and being needed wanted 100%

Sometimes i just lay down ad i travel inside my womb. Remembering what it was for me when i was in my mothers womb. So i embrace what our child is expereincing. A Stilness. A dark stillness. I take my self further into my experience so that these traumas are realsed. For good. to hram none.
I love my husbund totally and completely and im so happy to share this expereince and life with him. This is really my greatest dream to find my soulmate and to make a family.
its really happening... and im sooo happy and so excited about our future. Im so thankfull that my husbund has came into my life and really made my life worth living for rather than just my own selfish desires and circling pointlessly around in the same cycles of lonliness hungering for my twin flame. Togeather we shine so brightly. Unlike anyother love. Divine.
The most important thing in my life is my family. My husbund his needs and wants as well as my own and loving my self and now for our unborn child growing deep in my dark caverns. i will make this my wolrd.
Making the wolrd as it should be.through our love
you are made of love . you are love.
A wolrd full of love magic devotion trust honesty a true life. Togeather.
Forever loving forever as one.

Today I ate:
A Thai Salad with cabbadge,tomatoes,onions and yummy J
Potatoes seasoned with greens and full flavors
Spiral Pasta with Alfrado Sauce with Crushed Red Peppers ( yum I LUV spicy J)
half a bag of baby carrots
1 appleTons of water

I love you forever.. I want you to know that I am here with you.. i am going through this with you.. I love you so much and need you.. you are the fulfillment of my most early and consuming fantasy.. all my life I’ve wanted your embrace and to live life with you.. thank you!


I really want to be fully aware and present in the moments that we have to share.. I want to be the best father and husband..

I want the world to take a moment and examine personally who it is.. and what is happiness to them.. I’d like each individual to realize the kind of love that we have found.. Christina and I.. because I can’t fathom anything but peace and joy.. I truelly wish the same realization for every person who exist.. I care about the future of the world that we are giving to our child.. I want it to be a wonderful journey and I need all of you to participate in your own way.. be good loving people who also care.. create a safe and secure world that all can share the in a distinct and personal way.. have fun



Currently feeling: excited
Posted by ripewithbaby at 01:19 pm care to comment


August 2nd, 2005
Ripe With Baby


This is the diary of Christina and John Davis as we are embarking on the most Magical Journey of life together. The documentation of being ripe with baby. Our first child. People think that being pregnant is such a every day thing. Pregnancy is one of the most sacred journeys in life. It is of so much importance to document our journey and my experiences. As I m now realizing more and more that life really goes by so very fast and that every experience plays such a huge role in our psyche and our spirit. So many of us sleep walk through our lives. Every thought every breath very bite of food we should be mindful of and being ripe with child I m yes indeed having a real realization of this.



Today I knew It would be such huge day. I knew I was pregnant already but we have been trying for about 4 months and have not had success so I was not expecting very much of anything. I thought I was being compulsive in my obsessive compulsive tendencies by buying another pregnancy test hoping and wanting something that has been so far out of reach. I bought a digital test they are new and supposed to be really good I got results in less than a minute. I was going to wait the full 3 minutes but I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had a peek. It said Pregnant. My eyes were wide almost so much reaching out of my shocked skull. I didn’t believe it I looked away. It still said Pregnant. I left the room this time still thinking that I m making this up it has to be a wild delusion because I want it so bad. NO! not a delusion. Really 100% pregnant. The feeling. My heart chakra flooded with so much joy and love I could barely contain it all. The only way I could humanly express such power was to cry. Im going to be a mother. My dear husband shall be a father. It will take a while to really let it soak in what is really happening. This is the beginning of a magical and beautiful journey.

Last week I fasted cut out all sugar only ate fruits and veggies. No starches no pasta no caffeine no food that has been processed of anykind and no Dairy.Drinking soy and rice milk only. Orgainc substances. So today I have kinda went off my so good diet.
Today I ate:
2 Hershey’s Chocolate Bars( omgoddess so good)
A Clover Sprout and Snow Pea Salad with poppy seed dressing and REAL CHEESE J
Pasta in Alfrado sauce
1 apple
Potatoes with onions peppers garlic
5 chocolate and vanilla cookes ( kinda like Oreos)
Welcome... to my experience of being a woman ripe with baby

hello.. i also welcome you to our experience of a couple ripe with baby.. i am a man who is very excited about the future.. it is important i feel that you know how happy i am.. and how totally devoted i am.. it is truelly amazing what is happening in our lives and i can not wait to share it with you.. the other night we were lying together and christina rolled over.. i was in a light doze.. when i felt a small tender hand reaching for mine.. in a moment it was as though a hand was reaching through my wifes belly to touch me.. but then that made no sence and i more awoke to realize christina's hands just behind the subtle embrace firmly closing in my grip and i looked into her eyes and kissed her.. "i love you christina" i said.. "i love you john" she said, it was a beautiful moment.. i spoke with my mother tina about the experience today when i told her the news.. how christina had called me at work but i could not answer because bussiness at the pizza shop was so much.. but then she called again and i thought that there could be a problem but still i couldn't get away.. then she shows up suprising me.. and she was radiating such bueaty i had to tell her she was so bueatiful.. she has gotten something for me at the mall.. that i must come out to the car and get it.. so about five minutes later i get a moment free to go to the car.. and she is sitting in drivers seat of her black eclipse.. she say's with the window rolled down boldly, "will you please sit in the car", "ok", i say and go around to the passanger seat.. then she gives me this small plastic bag and tells me to open it.. i don't know what it could be.. but the shape is seams like could be a nose hair clipper.. but then i pulled it out and all i saw was the word "pregnant"...... it changed my life.. "i love you" i said, "i love you john" she said.. i pray that everything goes well with us.. that we have support and guidance.. i strive to be the best father.. mother tina told me that i should remember these experiences.. that they are so important.. and our whole family is so happy for us.. i'm just thankful because life is really getting good.. i am feeling joy because i really have wanted to have a child.. that a spirit soul has choosen us is such a blessing.. i love my wife.. i thank her everyday for being in my life.. for giving me such life.. if i could know the divine.. i would know hirm through chirstina and our child.. the mirical of the both of them.. and if you are reading this my child.. i hope you know how even before you were concieved of.. you were loved.. you were known.. and you were expected.. i love you.. i will always love you.. and you are divine.. special no.. divine yes!
Currently feeling: thankful
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:23 pm 1 comments

August12th to August4th

August 12th, 2005
little one your precious heart
Little one your very primitive precious heart starts beating in about a half an hour well some time on the 12th not exactly sure when but none the less I m aware of your hearts first beating.
How beautiful you are.
So loved So Adored. So wonderful
What a beautiful beginning. All of us together. So amazing . your new life together.
I promise I will do the very best that I can to bring you love and happiness in every way that I can. Little one you are so welcomed.
Your father is such a divine being you will love him so much as I do and we will be a giant energy of pulsating love.


Today I have ate:
Pasta with garlic onions rosemary yummy sacue and mushrooms
Shortbread cookies 3 of them
A veggie burger with lettuce and maricle whip ( LOVE IT J)
Green goodness
More green goodness
A apple
Water
Red cherries
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:49 am care to comment
August 11th, 2005
a bright day
I really have to apologize to my dear husband I have been very turbulent up and down on a constant basis. I cant even predict when it will come out of no where unsuspectingly from the dark crevasses of my emotional terrain.
Sometimes I m just sad or irritated for no apparent reason and I hope that john knows that I m not mad or upset with him or anything at all for that matter its some kind of weird balancing happening inside of me.
Like it needs to happen to get back to normal. A flux of raw emotion.
And because I m not sure how we plan to have our child sometimes I get scared about things because I haven’t really told my diary a lot about my lack of respect and faith I have in conventional medicine and healthcare. Well I cant stand it or tolerate it at any means. I don’t believe that some doctor should tell me when to push and what to do . I will do things at my own pace and the way WE want things to be. Because this is a sacred experience and I will not dampen it with a conventional soulless environment. ( sigh)
I have like yesterday I m so sorry I couldn’t write much of anything but wallerings of a emotional train wreck . lol I had morning sickness all day yesterday dry heaving and feeling very sick every 20 min. it seemed and I was so tired so I thought I would try to write more today to make up for yesterdays lack. We have decided some very important crucial details about the parenting what to do and what to avoid . It is really comforting to discuss such things because there is so much to have a hold on and a opinion on.
I guess because I have been feeling rather up and down sometimes I feel like everyone is mad at me for being pregnant not that I m pregnant but the moods I go thorough because of it. John ready does so much for me and I m so thankful all his efforts are not going un noticed.

You work hard and I know you do. I yes will I promise find something that I can do. And I m sorry money will come easy it cant and wont always be like this. I watched that 80’s movie look who’s talking I know its kinda dorky but I cant help it I love it. It shows some of the most beautiful parts of parenthood. I really have been noticing more and more my husbands beauty. Not just his psychical beauty. Not to say that I didn’t see it before but now I see it everywhere. He is so wonderful his intellect is truly amazing hes a genius so very intelligent. Never failing to bring my brain into awareness of something I didn’t previously know of. So wonderful. He is going to be the most perfect father in the entire universe. Playful genuinely sincere and gentle and kind and completely loving. Im so lucky to have married my soul mate and we are creating our OWN family.
I have never met such a wonderful amazing man as my husband. He is what every man should asprie to become.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 02:04 pm care to comment
August 10th, 2005
unstable at best toady
Today I have had morning sickness ALL day aftereating 2 salads of spinach with mushrooms radishes onions and snow peascrackers with cheese and protein drink and water that is all I have consumedtoady. Feeling sick dry heaving feeling unstable and hateful towards conventionalmedicine and health care feeling afraid of what I will do to people who may tryto stand in my way. Its my bed time for im sick and cant stop crying becausetoday im unstable.goodnight.

hello..we had several great moments today.. and some fun too.. it is justreally frightning unsure how all this is going to happen.. as thefather i am still very aware that there is nothing much i can do but besupportive and caring.. but i have to admitt sometimes i feel a bit ofstress.. enough of that.. christina got me rollercoaster tycoon 3 andit is very difficult to get those little mechanics to fix anything..that is the most agravating thing yet.. but christina built a littleshop that sells witch hats and it made her very happy to see the littlepeople in the computer simulation wearing those hats that they boughtat her shop.. the day seemed to go by very quickly

christina
i love you so much
i am always here for you
i care so deeply about you and our child
i pray for us all that this will be a good birth
i can not say how i feel
i ache to let you know
i need you





Posted by ripewithbaby at 01:22 pm 4 comments
August 9th, 2005
our little bean
Today you my little one have been on my mind all day not to say that I don’t all the time anyways but more than usual. Little one how small I know you are. Little bean.
Growing so fast each second day by day closer to being in our loving arms. I cant wait to look into your beautiful eyes and to hold you and love you. Forever. My child you are a true miracle. Life growing in my tummy. So much responsibility. So much to learn so much to teach to guide you to help you shine not to tarnish your beautiful spirit.
Little one hear my voice let it comfort you. You are safe right inside of my womb. nothing can harm you .when the day comes and we are no longer one flesh and you will have your own identity apart from mine. I will always protect you and be sure you know that you are always loved.
Me and jonny talked on the phone for like a hour while he was at work. I love talking to him we don’t really even have to say much.
I love you jonny you are such a amazing creature we are the same flame together we burn forever unified.
I love everything about you. The way you speak the way you express yourself the way you walk the way hold yourself also beautiful and unique.
My true love forever. I burn brightly for you.

Today I ate:
1 apple
Spinach
1 protein drink
1 horse
1 berry drink
Both sets of prenatal vitamins
Soy sausage with tomatoes sauce with fresh mushrooms
Red yummy cherries

i don't believe that she ate a horse.. but she was hungry enough that she might could have eaten a horse.. if it were a small horse.. and a vegatarian horse.. we are vegetarians and it would be against our diet to have a regular horse..

what an interesting day.. we saw that march of the penguins movie.. how horrible that would be to be an emperior penguin.. but then again it is such a marvolous creature.. the male actually goes without food for 4 months to sit on an egg.. and not just sit on the egg but carry it around with out dropping it through -80 below temperatures with winds up to 100 miles an hour.. huddled together with 100's of other father birds.. all banded together with the soul of the species on the line.. waiting for the women to make it back form the feeding pools an 80 mile walk away.. and if the women don't make it back alive.. the baby starves ... so many ways to lose a baby bird..it is sad yet an awsome triumph for that penguin.. living on the south pole!
i love christina.. and she in the past month has really figured out how to make me laugh.. i've never laughed so hard in my entire life as i have this month.. and there is almost nothing better that laughter.. so thankyou love

little bean.. remember that laughter and joy are the greatest gifts to share with the world.. that you deserve happiness.. and that it is something that already exist within you.. that if you harness it.. nothing can shake you from it.. you will rise above and through all obsticals with love like this

Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:30 am care to comment
August 8th, 2005
todays highlights
Today was a good day. We went toMichigan and went to annas and matts bridal shower. It was kinds strange but squares usually are. It was amazingly hot today so I didn’t really participate in much of the action and that I didn’t really know anybody so I just stayed inside and ate food and talked with my husband and ate food.nice drive there and back. We took a lovely nap today I dangled my feet in the pool before sun down and met a lot of new family members that I didn’t previously know. Everyone so excited about out babyJAnyways have been thinking much about our child today. We had a really great time on the way home as we always seem to do. I love to speak to my husband and fill him in on how it it that I got to him the paths I had to follow and the mistakes I had to make to my my dreams come true . being much more conscious that we are pregnant and noticing im not kidding in my belly I now know that it can be normal to show at your 5th week or 6th and iam for sure wow. I guess every woman’s body reacts different to pregnancy. Having talked about out future and knowing that I m bring new life into this world and that I m the vessel for such a miracle that now nothing can stop us. That this world damn well better know it has to change its dammed ways because OUR child is entering this world and I will not tolerate anything other than the best for our offspring.
I have to make a time to go fill my paper work o this week to get into my doctors to get hopefully a ultrasound J how exciting im Sooooo excited!
I will. I have some business stuff to do but hopefully it wont take long tomorrow.i plan on working at home so I don’t have to work while im pregnant. Honestly I have not much to say today.
I love you jonny
I love you little bean
Today I have ate:
Half of a luna bar ( now my taste buds are switching and I don’t like 2 much sweet)
Cucumbers a lot of them
Wheat thins in some yummy cheese dip and ranch sauce J
1 pear
½ pound amish potato salad
½ pound amish macaroni salad
Carrots
Cheese bites
Rhubarb stalk
1 ½ Pomegranate juice
Orange juice
water

hello.. i love you christina.. yes it was a fun day.. we visited my everyone in michigan.. now my mom and dad are divorced both with new people.. it has been a since 87 or something but it was really interesting to see her at the bridal shower of my brother matt it was at my dads house and well it is just interesting the way all the broken families can heal for the good of the children.. we went to my mothers and i told her long term long time boyfriend chuck that he was going to be a grandpa.. "that doesn't make me any older!" i just accept him as a step father as much as i accept debbie as a step mother.. that is my fathers wife.. having been a part of a family that went through divorces on all sides introduced me to a lot of real important truths and facts about relationship and love.. and i've waited for someone who i could totally love forever.. i am so happy..

today buttercup fell in the pool at my dads and was rescued by christina

love is so magical

little bean
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:28 am care to comment
August 7th, 2005
jumpy topics
Wow today was so long and started so early that I barely remember all that happened today. We woke up at 8 30 am which is not my cup of tea ( noon is much better)anyways we went to the doctors to confirm our pregnancy. As I suspected due date April 7th 2006 and im 5 weeks along. Im so glad I didn’t have to go alone. I really have such a wonderful supportive husband. So he had to work early so I did some house work and did some research at my parents today. I went and bought lots of food today about 200 dollars worth yum im so happy we have good nourishing food. melon and carrots greens and fruits.so then me and my mom painted finished up the nurseries base color and me and jonny painted grass underneath the fence I painted. I felt kinda bad today jonny snuck up on me to surprise me and I was jamming to old school but rock guns n roses. I know I know kind of lame but sweet child of mine is actually a good song.i was startled ( as I have been for the last few days , jumpy) the paint kinda flew outta my hands and stained our carpet woops. Lol.i haven’t really sang yet around jonny amazingly for some weird reason like some kinda of secret I keep. My voice hidden in a treasure chest. I love to sing weather or not it even sounds good. Anyways…besides painting the babys room and buying food conforming that we are indeed having a baby that’s what I did today.



Anyways…today I have missed jonny a lot I know I say this a lot but I cant help it. O yea and I bought finally a sports bra because let me tell you your breasts swell and ache when your pregnant. a sports bra helps soooo much.
I feel bad that when john comes home I m tired but being pregnant I m tired all the time , all the time! I would stay awake but I cant.



Ok now to writing about stuff other than all the details of my saturady. Beauty I feel beautiful to have a being growing within me. I hate my space I feel like its some kind of breeding ground for a super superficiality in disuse to a real connection that is never satisfying. To make others lust over their plastic fabricated bodies. I had to sign on to show my mom my profile because she wanted to read what john initially read about me so I did and I really hate that place it makes me feel bitter. Yea artistic pictures so its soft porn maybe its beautiful but I just cant see it as that. Who knows im bitter about this subject and I don’t see myself changing my standing with thinking regardless I am the most fabulous and the most beautiful and I don’t need silicone and stiletto heels to make me a goddess. Yes I know I share my spices with many but none other like I.
I feel like a pitbull anyone that is remotely in my territory zone I m going to lock jaw totally and start tearing apart flesh. So I wont share the spot light because I don’t have to. Yea I wanted to touch on the beauty issues that is phasing down and out of me (finally) I think because I used to be glam and now I don’t lead that lifestyle I forget how fabulous I was and that no one hold a candle to me hahahahaha…. Ah(sigh) I fell much better.
My beauty is the only of its kind and sometimes I feel like I could morph into hecate or the morrigan war and powerfull goddess maybe kali. YiKes!
Ok now I feel like a light goddess maybe Isis or Hathor.
Anyways my back hurts today I realy need a massage.
To get totally off subject like I have been.
I m so excited to be a mother and a wife.
I just want our family to be total and complete and obstacles that try to get I our way I will tear apart piece by piece because I m done with obstacles. No mercy. This is our path this is our destiny and no man woman child or being shall stand in our way.
My husband is mine and I m not kidding we are now a family and I will tear apart anyone with my astral razors of truth that would even think to hinder our path and love. My back hurts god I need a massage….
Today I ate:
Pomegranate juice
2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast
5 applesauce cookies
I small bag of carrots
Melon cantaloupe and honeydew and pineapple
1 apple

jonny im sorry i have been so tired and i know your ired when you come home but i really need you closer than ever befeore i have your seed growing inside of my womb so i need to naturally be close to you closer than usual. i love you so much. im sorry if i haev been crazy recently but i cant help it. i felt like that girl at the co op had somekind of weird energy towrds us im courious if there was anything that ever happned with that mabye thats why subconciously i dont like her.lol.besides those people being pricks.anyways.i dont want you to see any one more beautiful as i because i m now carrying your our child and i need to be that in your heart.im tired. i love you.i need you. we love you. daddy

the thing i am so tired of working this week and it is over and i worked more this week than in many months yet have a ton of energy but i act like i've had enough at work.. because i have.. i want to spend some quality time with my wife.. it is maddening.. i get crazy breakdown cussing in the car when i end up covering peoples shifts and such all week long.. though that is not the issue here.. it is so awsome that crazy frog is hitting the charts.. those russian people in the sub are saved.. political talk on the radio was vacant and void as it usually is on saturday.. i've a new cd.. guitar instrumental.. i like it.. that girl at the co op is just a cashier.. that is the only context that i've ever known or cared to know her in.. though i have known her a few years.. hello is about all there ever has been..

christina your voice is so amazing.. at first as i was walking in i didn't realize i'd cought you singing and you didn't know i was home.. but by then the solo started.. so i waited with buttercup at my feet stareing like what are you doing.. and through the solo i heard you humming and playing with words and wondered how you were going to sound.. then the where do we go where do we go now part kicked in and you started singing again along.. at first you had to adjust to get the tone you liked.. and then you hit the zone of perfect parrallel pitch and tone with the lyric as it axel sang it.. it was so wonderful.. so that it had to be seen to be totally believed how you could create such a audacious voice.. i was so exited and toward the end i came in to see you and you had your eyes closed while you sang.. so beautiful.. i needed to hold you right then but you didn't even know i was home.. and it was to late not to startle you and you heard me and opened your eyes and it took your brain a moment to adjust but by then the paint tray was out of your hand.. i'm so sorry.. but you got so funny.. saying that i reset you.. i love you so much

now let me think.. what else.. i got to go give my wife that massage!!

i love our baby
Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:57 am care to comment
August 5th, 2005
Friday Solitude
I just want to start out today with saying think you to my husband.
He works so very hard and long hours.
I appreciate everything that he does and I know that right now money is a slight stress and is kinda ploopy but I know it will get better.
HE does so much for me all the time . Always concerned with how I feel and if I m comfortable and always checking in with me usually just to tell me he loves me which brightens my whole entire day.

I had a very restful beautiful sleep last night feeling very rested but you know it….. still tired imagine that….
Sometimes I get bursts of insecurity is that from being pregnant I think it defiantly boosts it up a lot. I just strive to be the most beautiful for my husband finding no other as beautiful or as attractive asI.
I know I know this sounds bad but I m being 100% honest here and may be crucifying myself on the page… but it’s a driving need not just a want epically because I m carrying our child I feel like I hope I m seen as the most beautiful woman in the universe.
I feel empowered. very empowered today like I have tapped into some great powerhouse of energy but not just any energy power energy. That I just exude power and self possession. I was going to go get my blood work done today but tomorrow will work better for everyone. And hey its one more day I can put it off but I have to go tomorrow. Its not that im not going today just isn’t gonna work for me at all really.
I m later on going to see my childhood best friend and we are going to have dinner or go to the park or something I m excited. Its Friday john is gone all day today but that’s ok he seems to be gone a lot recently. I don’t like it. I wish a better job would come to him that the hours he works now already if he had a better job he would make so much more and maybe have benefits. And then my stupid jealously kicks in cause i know on fridays he has to talk to so many kinds of people I just hope hes not flirting with all the young bodies that exist. Not saying that I think he would but it would really kinda break something in me to know if that was happening. O any ways. Just need to get over it I guess not think about it. Im going to paint some more in the baby’s room today I m excited.
Ok so the day is almost done I went out to dinner with rose at Casas and it was such a wonderful time. I had so much fun we went to the cemetery but we left cause it was way cold and there were these 2 weird cats following us or seemed like it at least.damn spys !
Anyways today I have been to be honest unstable at best . very empowered one minute and the next in tears. I feel bad for my husband because of it im sorry.
Today I ate:
1 apple
Pasta
A half a block of cheese
Stuffed Salmon(omg so yummy J)
Mashed potoaotes
A Salad
A small loaf of bread with parmesan cheese and rosemary olive oil

Im going to take a bath so until tomorrow good night.
i really miss my husbund ....

it is true.. this week has been a lot of work.. i've had to get up early all most every day.. and come home late too.. my life has been just like this.. working so much with not much wealth to show for it.. my brother matt and i opened a pizza shop 2 and half years ago... well it was his investment and i help run it.. honestly.. i worked the first 6 months living in the shop and working for food.. but now it is the most income i've ever in my life earned.. but it hasn't really been enough.. but just enough to get by.. now i've a family to support and i don't yet know how i'm going to do that.. i don't know that the pizza shop will be able to do what i need it to.. something else is going to have to happen for me.. and i'm sure it will soon.. just not exactly yet.. one thing though.. i think that there is a lie that has seriously weakend our nation.. and that is the story that everything is ok.. fair.. and hard work pays off.. in a correct realization of a government yes... that is not what we have today... this is not a democracy.. it is something else that is pertending to be.. this is more like a megopolatic cooperation.. it is failing to be anything completly so it is failing to be anything that makes any sence.. at least to me.. luckily the ideas and intention for this nation seems to be winning out over the coruption of those who have screwed it all up.. and we have people on the other side of uganda claiming that there is only one true religion and all others must die.. flipping so the dukes of hazard got one star and a huge thumbs down.. while many say it was better than they expected.. and a group are poised in northern california to actually capture a live big foot... and if that isn't enough.. i got nothing more to say about that.. because i'm so wound up and excited after working all day to be home with my wife but by now she is sleepy and i have to take a shower still.. and i'm prone to few hours of sleep when i am eating healthy.. like no caffine and no meat.. and today under 1000 calories because i was working and just didn't eat.. so i'm all turbo charged and full of zannieness.. and buttercup is out of her little puppy mind moving form one corner of the bed to the other as i type this. trying to catch a fly in her mouth and laying ther looking at me then getting up and putting her head on my arm then laying back by the pillow.. just knowing probally but hoping it takes really long before she will be back in that deep dark kennel... and i'm wondering if she has to go to the bathroom because she still has not got the hang of going out doors.. all and all christina.. she is so absolutly beautiful.. you readers don't even know it.. but if you seen her.. and today.. she was so radiant.. so absolutly out of this world.. it is as if she is getting more beautiful all the time... you really are everything to me.. and i am devoted to being yours forever.. i so much love you my wife..

i am going to need to create more time to be home.. absolutly.. this world is going to have to bend to my intentions.. it is my ultimate will to spend a lot of time with my family.. it is my firm belief that family time is the most important factor that is missing today throughout this country and the whole world.. we have become consummed by work.. not just to have.. but to make ends meet.. well.. listen up.. creativly and peacefully i will open your wallet to your heart.. love is an element more prized than weapons grade plutonium.. and the only way to really save the world is to lighten the load and give more so that people can actually live the dream instead of dream the dream while struggling to make it.. the american dream is suppost to be something every citizen realizes.. not an out of touch ideal.. so write your congressman and tell them.. that money to nasa is a waste of tax payer dollars.. and that you want a reciet next month on all government expenses.. and if there is any blatent waste it is going to come out of there check

and for one moment i'd like to offer my mental apperatus to the engeneering of the mission to save those sceintist in the subberine in the pacific ocean... i expect them to return safely to the surface by the end of the hour

this whole world is very much going to change

i am in love


Currently feeling: hungry
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:52 pm care to comment
Dreamy Delight
Today I m really feeling tired. Realizing the under currents of what I m feeling. Feeling like I have no common familiar ground to cling to. Nothing is as it was before. The way I was living. My thought process my outlook into the whole world has and is changing dramatically. This is unfamiliar to me. These rapid changes and feelings that I feel.
Everything is so different. Feeling more and more like I have no skin everything passes though me making me vulnerable to all kinds of energies making myself feel more defensive energetically. Nothing to cling to that is familiar so I feel kind of outside myself but never before so much inside my own body. Pregnancy makes you feel yourself.

Its later in the day and im still so extremely exaushted.im not kidding. i cant stop yawning.


Ive spent most of the day doing research on my new unique beautiful condition. Joining pregnancy clubs so I can read other to be mommies message boards knowing that a lot of these feelings and symptoms are being felt all over the world many blessed women.
My husband has been out all day doing business stuff and I have been kinda lonely. Not so much lonely I just really have strong needs to be very close to him, all the time! Lol.
I took 2 naps today and I m still so tired.I went to go get blood work done today but they were just closing and I have to go back tomorrow or Saturday. Im not thrilled because Im so afraid of exams I cant even express to you its like horror to be touched and prodded by someone you don’t know or even trust. Not very happy about having to stop being stubborn and do it anyway I just want to rebel and say “hell no! get your prongy thing away from me, I m out!” but I know in reality I cant. I miss my hubby.

Today I ate:
Cajun Seasoned Brown Rice with jalapeño peppers
Lasangna with yummy ricotta cheese
4 Bread sticks actually 3 and 1 half bread sticks
1 Sprite( my first soda in like 3 or 4 months)really too sweet
Lots Of Water
White GrapeJuice
Carrots and Poppyseed Salad Dressing
after i eat i feel extremely ickky like i need to throw up it is really annoying let me tell you.

i didn't have much time to spend with my yummy wife today.. my brother needed me to help him evict some bad tennets at one of his rental houses in michigan.. we left at 6am.. 2 hour drive.. one way... any how.. the point is this house was trashed.. a large trailer of junk.. abandoned cloths and food and about 8 empty washing dergent bottles.. cases from video rentals without the movies.. the brand new carpet is totally demolished.. the walls are dirty.. crayons and broken toys scattered throughout the house.. these poeple have 3 children and a one month old baby.. now abstract from all that i could say about what happend today.. the most important is that i could never live like that.. i can't comprehend how anyone should be allowed to get away with that kind of mess.. well they solved it by not paying rent for near 3 months... never returning phone calls or answering the door.. still in this mess i couldn't help but remember children were being raised.. included in the discard were at least 15 pair of shoes for children and 5 bags of clothes.. i don't want to fall of topic but that just seemed insaine because none of the shoes seemed to match.. but anyhow... when we were leaving some rickity old skinny man was walking up to the house.. with a huge michigan bank roll in hand.. a wad of cash.. his extra thin tooth deprived woman was driving the mini van... we told them that the people they had come to see.. had been evicted.. as we were cleaning up 4 to 5 people stopped and drove away as if some buisness was going on.. the neighbor man said he could finally sleep feeling safe... that they always had near 20 visits through the night and all day long.. again i stress.. children being raised in this atmoshpere.. i'm just thinking about our own futures.. and the element of this society that i must gaurd my child against.. how to do that successfully.. how to keep those children and there peer influence away from my own.. honestly.. i have a feeling i will be a very proctective and radically involved father on all levels of our childs growth and education

i thought about these things today.. i was also sad and sorry that i couldn't spend more time with christina.. as soon as i got home i had a few hours and then had to be to work.. i only got home a bit ago and it is now 2am and i got to be back to work and 11am

friday

the most busy day of the week for me

still i must share the this... in all that we go through.. i strive to keep a good supportive attitude.. i strive to keep my mood up.. to stay joyful.. i really love life.. and i've never had so much to live for as i do now

Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by ripewithbaby at 03:29 am 2 comments
August 4th, 2005
Conception
I must say I do indeed feel more pregnant today. I have had the most wicked mood swings landing where ever I end up it seems. So today very happy and suddenly angry and sad. Moods terribly unstable. I had the conversation about birthing options with my parents and it really upset me because im totally afraid a true fear fills my body when I go into hospitals and I really really do not want to have our child in a hospital. I said that I don’t believe in abortions because life is a scared gift and should never be destroyed but having a baby in a hospital is like having a abortion. Because a piece of me will die and fade. That’s what happens to me in hospitals in general.
Our child is 100% completely planned and welcomed and loved.
The birthing experience is so sacred and I just want to make it magical not typical.

Today I ate:
Spiral Pasta ( I know more pasta)
Mashed Potatoes with butter and green seasonings( I love potatoes)
Noodles flavored heavily yum
Broccoli with lots of butter
6 shortbread fudge cookies
1 extra fudge brownie
Soy Milk Vanilla
1 slice of onion and cheese yum pizza( I know im naughty)
Lots of water


I couldn’t help my self I had to write about conception from a adopted pregnant woman’s perspective.
Okay first some basic points of reference that is really common knowledge to me. Life indeed begins way before birth.
I believe life begins before you enter your chosen mothers womb.
You are a thriving Spirit full of consciousness and awareness living on one of the spiritual planes of existence.
From my own opinion I believe that each life is like going to school each time you advance a new level of consciousness and spiritual vibration.
Sometimes satisfied with your growth and level you choose not to incarnate instead group with the godhead.
Having the choice to come to the Earth plane for a number of countless reasons.
To raise your vibration ever higher.
To help those of your soul group that have chosen a incarnation on the earth plane.
To help earth heal and bring forth spiritual divine light.
Making it more available to tap into on the Earth plane. To even out Karma.
There are countless reasons.
So you decide that you will to be incarnated and wish to lead a life in a physical body as your vehicle.
So with the exact reasons you have chosen to be incarnated you start interviewing potential parents that will offer you the lessons, the treatment, the experiences that will enable those reasons you choose to be incarnated to take place. Shaping and molding you Usually you will choose parents that are already a part of your soul family or reasons to settle karma with. Like a granddaughter having her baby that is the soul of her Grandmother that passed on.. Not very uncommon.
So you interview your potential parents and observe their lifestyle their hearts and spirits. You finally make you decision of whom your parents shall be and as conception happens you choose that body to nestle in that mother.
The moment of conception is really a tricky issue.
If you think about it most people that have sexual experiences are not usually in love or really care for each other it can be just for selfish reasons of instant self gratification.
So the way that the child is conceived I believe has a effect on the psyche. Out of lust and just totally just psychical and no real connection is defiantly going to be different than conceiving out of sacred union and true love with the will to conceive a child. Vs. not wanting a child.

As being adopted I feel I was a mistake not planned obviously and the feelings that I must have felt. My mothers fears. Finical fears not being able to care after another child after having 3 already. Emotional issues of giving up a child. And whatever else that was going on in her life had a dramatic imprint on me on a cellular and complete level.
Thats why i know its so importnat to
Acknowledge that our child was conceived with awareness through and out of love. The absence of lust. Wanting each other yes but not in a empty primal way. Through love and true love even better!
I just know the ways I felt unwanted sometimes and having read a lot on the subject knowing that those imprints have lasting affect s in my adult life . I need to make clear to our unborn child that she/he was and is wanted. Totally planned. Totally welcomed. In anticipation and excitement. 100% love.
I am so excited.. today was a great day.. i too was adopted from birth.. it has always for that reason been really important that one day I’d have children of my own.. because I’ve never known the biological connection.. I feel that it will fill in a lot of gaps that exist in my developmental frame of reference.. sure I’m witnessing the experience from the parental perspective but that is just great..

I love my wife!

I really want to be fully aware and present in the moments that we have to share.. I want to be the best father and husband..


I am going to read that book I picked up yesterday.. Christina had placed it on hold at the book store.. by depok chopra.. it has just came out in 2005.. about childbirth.. a holistic guide to pregnancy and childbirth”… it is called..






Currently feeling: hungry
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:24 am 1 comments

August 23red to August 13th

August 23rd, 2005
childhood memories
Today I woke up around usual time 1 ish pm and had a great day hanging out with my husband until around 4 ish I felt so sick very ill .i met up with a business partner today and then I went grocery shopping . I got SO much food im so happy
I got all kinds of pomegranate juice green goodness and protein drinks to keep us healthy. Peas, onions, tomatoes because im going to make home made tomato soup. Green beans, watermelon, leeks, grape juice, beans (garbanzo and lentils) wild rice and all kinds of yummy food. To much to list im getting tired….
So then I went to my folks house and had my dad give me a motorcycle ride around town and we went to the place I grew up at. I saw my old neighbors and they were so happy to see me and to know that im married and going to be a mother now. I really enjoyed it. I felt like I was home in a weird way. I really miss that place im glad I got to spend some time there. I plan on buying a camcorder for us so we can go around to the places where we grew up and explain things on tape and then eventually get around to our home and show what everything looks like before the baby.
So I ate some mashed potatoes and corn and tomato sauce and a little pasta with my sauce I planned on making tomato soup tonight if I cant then I will tomorrow. I have just bee very busy today.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 10:01 am care to comment


August 20th, 2005
Nostalgic
I thought that because we are pregnant it would be a great time to look back into childhood what other than watching home movies???of when I was a tiny girl. And some sounds on these tapes that nothing can replace. The sound of my grandmothers voice. I have not heard in 10 years and I still miss the sound of her voice. Sometimes I wonder what it sounds like because I forget. But I can hear it and it makes me cry. I hope I can be a mother like she was. She is really a role model for me. I want to record our child’s first years or as long as we can.i think well I know I enjoy watching myself as a young child but more than anything to remember my grandmother and the virtues she taught me. She taught me not by shoving down my throat ways to be or what to do or by yelling she taught me by her living her life. I just followed.
Watching myself so little so uninhibited not even caring true reactions and emotions not filtered. Childhood memories sweet to my heart. I think its funny that I didn’t use the name Christina till I was like in 2ond grade on a regular basis even after that I referred myself to as nina. When I hear that word it brings me positive associations. To a person I was a very innocent time.
Little one our little bean your birth is also my birth as well. The rebirthing of childhood. My inner child is well I would like to think almost fully healed although healing is a on going lifetime process she is almost fully intact. With her pigtales and ribbons in her long brown hair smelling flowers and swinging on the tire swing.
Little one I really want you to know I will try with all that iam to raise you with out my impurities that have been passed on to me. Lost parents create lost children. Im guided by light and I know my way we shall walk this path all together and give you the option of what you choose to believe in when you are older. I will influence you with many cultures and spiritualities but none with strict condescending dogma. Loving positive earth and spirit based beliefs.
I miss my grandmother I often wonder what it would be like if she was still here with is in a body. Sometimes I get worked up and emotional about it. Yesterday I was at my parents house sitting on the chair and my dad suddenly stops and says I don’t know why or how maybe something you said you remind me of your grandmother. From what ive heard we were very similar. She was a fire sign too. Lol. I know that’s not to relevant but somewhat cool.
Im cooking veggie stew.yum asparagus,corn,potatoes,beans,tomatoes and ramdom stuff
Posted by ripewithbaby at 09:55 am 1 comments

August 19th, 2005

sleepy day
Today I slept till like 2pm then my husband was kind enough to cook for us we had yummy Tempe casserole and then he put together little beans crib and I was painting the nursery then I took a nap. I felt horribly sick after eating today and a bad case of turbulence with my mood swings. There is so much going on inside of me. I feel crazy sometimes all these hormones are outta control im not kidding.
Im sorry sometimes I cant help being crazy.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 08:16 am care to comment

August 18th, 2005
yummy day
Im sorry I didn’t write yesterday but I was very tired when it came time to write. Me and my husband had a fabulous day together and we went shopping how lovely. New shoes always makes everything better. We went looking at cribs but I know which one I m getting and I might get it soon ! yeaJ anyways. Then we went to my folks house and watched kung fu hustle it is really a good movie I enjoyed it because its so different and kind of unusual. I had another dream list night of me being see tough and I saw our baby but our child is more developed and looks much bigger from the last time I had a see through dream. So I really think that everything is ok.now I know these kind of dreams are prophetic so there is no need to worry.
Yesterday we ate a lot of food. Yummy veggie pasta thingys spinach pockets potatoes pasta stuffed with ricotta and bananas.
Today I feel rested and good.
today seemed like another extremely long day.
i picked out a celtic baby name book and found some names that i have allways loved . i was craving lobster so i had lobster with scallops and lobster pasta and then i had a sald bar at ruby tuesdays what didnt i eat today lol. i feel full and finally all my hungers quenched.screw microsoft word i recenlty got a lap top a new one and it came with microsoft demo demo can you beleive that its so retarded. you buy a computer it should come iwht software im very irritatedabout that. anyways. i bought a crib today not the one i really wannted it was 450$ and they had a nother crib that was decent. the one i really liked would have beenimpossiable to match with anyother woods at anyother store ans the Wardrobe was like 650$ yikes. so i bought the white crib, the Wardrobe and a changing table.so im happy that is taken care of i miss my husbund feircely today. sinice im pregnant i have a driving need to be clingy very clingy and i have to be close all the time. his seed growing in my fertile dark warm moist womb bursting with life. our dna stranned togeather making a whole new being.how beautiful.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:51 am care to comment


August 16th, 2005
extremely tired
Ihave it seems extremely busy today I slpet all day because im exhausted had a wonderful day with my husband and went to rustys we had a night of shopping fun I really only bought the essential for the house not for me because we all know I can get overboard with shoes and clothes but I curbed myself. I miss john but when don’t i? lol miss him all the time anytime. Im seriously in need of rest i feel like I could collapse. So goodnight.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:04 pm care to comment


August 15th, 2005
sunday off
i had a fun day.. i feel bad that christina is feeling ill after eating
i try to comfort her as best i can
sunday is my day off
today i watched a movie kung fu hustle
i enjoy stephen chow's movies very much
i played turok evolution and chapter 7 is really giving me so much trouble
i just can't take out all the sheilds without flying into the rocks and exploding
it is so difficult to get rocket ammo because it is up by this tower and you have to fly between some antenna with out crashing.. very hard to do and even the guide on the internet said this chapter totally blows
i agree
the video programmers of games sometimes lose the point and a lot of times in these days where you can do so much graphic wise
they forget the game is ment to be fun and not a task
that is why i like this rollercoaster game
you can build a coaster and ride it.. just like that
well i wish i could build the coaster higher thats all but still it is really cool
baby bean
i can't wait for your birthday
we have been talking about education today home vs. public
i don't know.. if possible i'd like to do home.. but then public wouldn't be so bad mabye if we are really participants in the educational process.. guiding and helping our children to success

active participation in the educational process as parents

i just want our children to be equipt to achive what ever it is they find in there heart they would like to do so long as it is good

i love christina.. my wife.. she is everything to me... all my desires as a man have been fufilled in her devotion to me
i love the family we our creating
i pray that all goes well with us
that the love we share can in our small part influence the world
if we live as though we are the ancestors of all future generations what could we give to them

i will to live in a way that is pure and holy
that is what family is to me
sacrade

i honor god within our union and commitment to eachother

hari krsna
hari krsna
krsna krsna
hari hari
hari rama
hari rama
rama rama
hari hari


Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:25 pm care to comment

random blabbers
I guess I could rant on about anything really if I just let myself go. Not sure what exactly I want to discuss today.there really are so many things I could discuss. Now that im pregnant I feel more in control of myself and my energies. Although I have bad unstable mood swings I just feel more in control.i guess I could touch base on feeling. I stive to be my best. The best at everything I do. And the most beautiful. Standing out above the rest in shocking radiance. And really the only way to do that is confidence and knowing that what we have been given already not placed by a plastic surgeon is so very beautiful and flawless even with flaws. I love how I see when I go to the mall and switch myself on observer mode. I see all the females dressed up for eachother not that it really even matters to them. Dressing to impress people that they don’t even know or to what? Im not sure. Im sure it doesn’t matter but that fact is that fashion should be a expression of self. To hell looking better than pain jane look better for you to feel better that’s the key. Is it not?
You know when I went to the powwow yesterday we went to this restaurant and this server was insisting that I was his ex girlfriend and its weird because guys always say that and that is kind of strange that I have to be the ex girlfriend. Is it what you call sassy or fiery . you know people on the most part don’t understand me. Like they think can help being who I m which I can not anymore than the next person. Im free. I m a free spirit and I say it like it is. I have sugar coating anything because there is no point the truth is beautiful even if tragic. I do do as I please I always have. As long as it hurts none. This is the point of life is it not. to do as you damn well please? So some people don’t understand that because they have always pushed themselves aside worrying about hurting other feelings or whatever. Just do it. Sometimes peoples feelings are needed to get hurt to show them what an ignorant ass they are being.
So when people say go you’re a bitch. Honestly you say bitch like that’s something bad. Why because I don’t tolerate bullshit? No that it maters anyways….

So what is it that we can go to these powwows and dress up like we did hundreds of years ago and hold on to a faint piece of our ancestry. Some kind of mockery. Now the naitves that have full dress on with the haed pieces back pieces and bells how beautiful. Then you have the whites that look like its Halloween a very sick Halloween making a mockery out of that too. God people.
But most of these people do they live lives that are of a good example or do they even care??? What our ancestors stood for our native mothers and fathers our wise shamans. To live in harmony with nature. Earth based religions following the sun and worshiping the moon. Staying attuned to our spiritual masters. Our ancestors that have long passed before us. So we come to powwows to try and re connect and show respect. But when I was there some of the people we really showing me how sad it has all become how disconnected we are from what matters. Eating nachos and wearing some stupid costume that’s supposed to resemble Indian wear with a Christian cross on it. Yikes people make me puke.
Why weren’t we eating peyote and chanting in the drumming circle? Something authentic. Wheres the peace pipe?
Anyways I have ate a veggie wrap and now im ill so till tomorrow chow.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 09:07 am care to comment

August 13th, 2005
chattery day
Woke up feeling chattery today. I overcame my laziness and actually turned on the computer to write briefly before me and my mother and my friend go to a Miami Indian powwow. Which is my mothers ancestors and blood so it is really cool we are going.
My pants are now tight . there is defiantly a baby in there .i slept really good last night. I love waking up next to my husband and finding myself in his safe embrace. Knowing that we can wake up together for the rest of our lives.
I love being married its so wonderful. I think its truly amazing that if you have faith and put all your heart in your souls true desire that yes in time your dreams will come true. All I ever really wanted was to find my twin flame. My other half not just some secondary that might due or love just anyone which I think we can do when we have no other choice because love is so free and can be given to anyone but the love from your twin flame is irreplaceable. None other not one single soul or thousand of souls or all the souls in the universe could replace a twin flame. thinking about soulmates this Saturday morning and how the love between the two empowers the soul that that share between them . not only empowering them but enriching the world itself. With love. which any world needs greatly … love.
The kind that lasts forever. What is forever. The infinite now. After death . traveling into the other side. From the other side together forever. Souls may travel and go to school but the fact remains that soulamtes are and will be together forever because as I understand it before the beginning of time the 2 were fused as one. Then split into polar opposites male and female . to learn and grow. Always seeking always hungering for their other half. The one who knows them the most thoroughly and completely because they are each other. Finding each other and everything is perfect. All the pieces fit. Nothing missing. All hungers quenched. All desires fulfilled.
Ok time to stop for now its time to leave. So until later. Chow.
Im back again to chat . I had a wonderfull day besides being extremely hungry and tired I have had a lovely day. Missing my husband wishing he was here in my arms. I cant wait till I see him. Feeling moody currently again… hungry and cranky and sleepy I need a nappy.
I haven’t ate that much today because I have been out all day
Water and potatoes and cookies
But I soon will eat something yummy I hope cause im bitchy because of it.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 11:16 pm care to comment


welcome to my day
Welcome to my day.
Very interesting start today a bit tense dealing with inadequate morons but as my day has progressed it has become much more enjoyable. I bought a few maternity clothes today because I feel my tummy growing and it looks bigger. Our little bean growing and swelling inside of me. Growing at amazing rates everyday a little bigger a little stronger. I feel our childs spirit more strongly now. As I know it will only grow stronger. I spent sometime with my beautiful husband while on his break today and it was very important time. So many things laid to rest. Old karma dead and ghosts banished for eternity
I have spent sometime at my parents today. I had to buy some ranch dressing because I really craved it we had a powerful storm here today it was wicked and beautiful in the same breath. I m really not going to touch on any of the negative things that happened today because its not worth the time I take to type out the words. I have been really conscious of our little one today. I bought a book called Pagan Parenting and it has some really rad attunement exercises in it.
Everyday I m a little more excited. I have been trying hard to stay happy and not stressed out. I don’t want to transmit any negative energies and out dated self dialogue. I believe that this pregnancy is and will yes still shift my entire consciousness and being. Being more loving, enlightened, awakened and compassionate towards all life . it is changing me already. I have no time to be lazy and I cant really let myself get upset because I don’t want our child to feel scared or fearful or anger. Because we will and are breaking the negative cords that have been passed down generation to generation. I have choose to give only the ones that I find are loving and nurturing o the development of our sprouting seed.
You are so tiny. I hope you feel safe nestled deep inside of me.
We love you .
I feel its so important to have a strong stable marriage for raising a child. For a healthy beautiful environment. Teaching by example what is greater than love?
True love. Between soulmates. Not just secondary soulmates but twin flames. Two humans that share the same soul that none other do except those two. This love is greater than any other the same love as from god (goddess) divine love. living evidence of true love. the kind that is forever .

today i ate:
pasta
green goodness
strwberry bananna smoothie
2 veggie burgers with miricle whip lettuce onions and ranch and cheese
eggplant strips
water
shortbread fudge cookies
soy milk

Currently feeling: cheerful
Posted by ripewithbaby at 10:33 am care to comment

September 7th to August 24th

September 7th, 2005
ghosts seeping through

How can forget the letters that were never sent to me?
Or all the many times people just walked on by
With out a care in the world for the reasons why I wascrying for help
broken promises scattered through out my heart
I m picking up the pieces
I disgrace my past and all it has left me
It holds nothing for me
Not even a glimpse of a reminder of what I was that I mtrying to forget
I shall not immortalize my pain or my past in writing allthat I have experienced
It becomes enslaving. a salve to your past written foreverdocumented for all to read
Your mistakes ,your joys and greatest pains.
Self analyzing allexperiences and phases of life. I see the importance in this very much so.
How can some look back to the very details of their life andcomfortable enough to write about every lover and ever experience.
Not that I have shame or any regret but it seems what’s deadis dead and I leave it at that.
Although I wish no harm to previous lovers I find nostanding on going love for them. Compassion as for any human or any being atthat.
But not a fascination or a soft spot in my heart for them.No. when I m done in I m done. Its like not a grudge for what has been done to me that has happened but more like Ihave learned all they could teach me and ll I could teach and that’s it. Nomerits no medals no pedestals I put them on.
Maybe this is a problem but I think not. Detachment is verynecessary to all things.
I fell that I have things that im trying to work on but itsdifficult to let go.
My feelings on ex’es are well bitter to be honest because mepersonally I feel no need for extended contact when what’s done is done nofriendship no contact what so ever. Theres no point.
Why? One may ask. Well you see you cant go backwards withsome one especially if you intimate with someone you really cant ever just befriends I don’t care what they say. When your with some one and it doesn’t workout no chemistry or not enough or the wrong chemistry or just a plain boringperson. Or different interests that clash different soul evolution levels allof this comes into play. My whole outlook is this. You had your time with me tolearn and share , you blew it . or its just not meant to be meaning its notever going to work in this life orever. Ok I m done pack up and leave you all your memories and mementos behindburning in the cauldron of regeneration.

When your married you build your world around your mate.That’s the whole point. The union of true soulmates. eliminating all influencesof others. I see no need for me to still contact my previous lovers itsdisrespectful to my mate and myself. I felt it was necessary touch base on howI feel about friendship.
Friends are great especially when your bored. I guess when youryounger you put more stock into your friendships they seem to mean a hell of alot more then they do when your older. I guess I find myself and have for a verylong time my own best friend and really don’t feel its necessary reach out to outsideforces as I once did to fill my need for connection because I connect to my ownbeing really that’s what we always longed for anyways.
I love the friends I have and appreciate them its just feel itsno longer needed to need them as I once did.
Especially that im married everything has changed my need forfriends has decreased. because my mate is my best friend besides myself and we haveour own world built no need for outside forces to complete me or entertain me.

And what does this have to do with pregnancy well actually alot I guess. Because all of these issues are finding ther way out of me and comingto rest. The friendship I have with myself and my husband is the most importantfriendship there is especially in raising a child together as soulmates bestfriends and lovers bound to one another verses a family that is split apart.I feel like I shoulnt care about the things I fret over.And I guess none of it matters.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 02:21 am care to comment
September 3rd, 2005
Anti conventional medicine
Im so fired up right now my skin is red and im about to grow a tail with spikes and im breathing fire. So it is time to get a ultra sound we are 10 weeks tomorrow and we want to see our child. I went to the doctors offficeI just said went to the doctors office talked to a snotty nurse that was a complete bitch. I said yes I just want to make a appointment for a ultra sound. She says: “ a ultra sound… for what? Why do you need one?” I said what do you mean why do I need one duh im pregnant I want to see my baby that’s why” well we don’t do ultra sounds and you have to have a doctors order and your family doctor does not do pregnancies. I ask so where do I go to get a ultra sound? Well you have to have your gyno set you up a appointment. Well I don’t use conventional medicine. O alternative medicine she says. Yes alternative medicine.
I call planed parent hood some girl answers and she sounds like she’s 12 a immature squeaky annoying voice and says ultrasound nope we don’t. well do you know where I can get one? Nope I don’t.



I just cant believe this I just want a freaking ultra sound. This whole system is warped and twisted. I cant have a ultra sound unless they strip me of my dignity and slef preservation and prod we with needles and pokey thingys.
Im so irritated
Posted by ripewithbaby at 04:36 am care to comment

September 1st, 2005

new orleans chaos
Ok so my everyday activities are not really that active. Lol. Being pregnant I have been so extremely tired that it really leans me not much time to do much else. I just have a strong will to sleep. I have been fro the most part really good with out a lot of sudden mood swings minus a few.
I feel like I have a gigantic responsibility to provide the best and only best for our young one. Finically I know we will be ok I just find the stress of money heavy sometimes upon my shoulders. My husband works so hard and I m really amazed by his strong work ethnic . I try to work just as hard building our nest.
There really are so many things that we plan on introducing to our child.

Here soon I plan on getting Mozart and hooking up the speakers and giving our baby the joy of listening to wonderfully powerful music that I myself love dearly.
Reading books that are important to me and that heave helped me along my path. I plan to build a strong spiritual structure around our child. Natural magic as well as with the power of the mind and focus. Spells… well this word scares people its really the same as a prayer but it just incorporates all of our senses in the act of praying and centering our energies. Maybe not making the association that what I m teaching is “witchcraft” to save ourselves the ridicule and speculation from on lookers. But I think it will be fun to make simple spells that a young child would enjoy greatly. To teach the importance of the connection to the earth , to our inner divinity to spirit and incorporating the power of focus and the mind.
I have studies many other spiritualities that I find of importance and plan to incorporate them all into one complete realization of divinity and life leaving it open for speculation for our child when he/she grows old enough to decide what path to follow or what to call it.
So I have been eating apples, blueberries, nectarines , plums and black berries a full bowl this morning (my morning was 2 pm) and the same fruits last night before bed time. We made stuffed peppers with yummy rice last night. Tonight I had oven roasted potatoes.

Yea I had to write a little about nola (new OrleansLouisiana ) just because I have lived there in the past and still hold a connection to it. Any ways.. the devastation is really horrible and amazing that everything in the French quarter is wiped out they showed that there were dolphins in peoples pools there are alligators and sharks now coming in from the ocean water flooding the streets. Its really mind blowing. I keep all those people in my best thoughts and prayers. Especially all those who are too poor to have got out of there especially in the projects some of those people don’t even have shoes let alone a car. I lived a few blocks once from one of the worst projects in nola and saw on a a first hand experience the poverty there. It was a very saddening sight to see. Because you just want to help but you never know how. in a place likenew Orleans where the alot of the people are very wealthy leaving it hard for the normal folk to survive and especially the very poor. Most of the dead that are floating in the what was streets of the quarter are the people that have been living in desperate poverty.

I find it kind of funny that all the luders that are wreaking havoc in nola that are stealing all kinds of electronic equipment and really useless items in a time like this. These people don’t have homes where are they planning to keep these things. No one will buy it no one has a use for it. Raw sewage and oil floating on the running water through the city the sharks and alligators im sure wile at the rotting flesh helping take care of the dead but making it impossible to properly count all the causalities .

Now I know that this really has nothing to do with pregnancy but it was bothering me I feel better.

Gas prices are ridiculous . so now were using our reserves. Ok I don’t know what to say except when I lived incali gas was usually 3.50 a gallon so at least we don’t live incali so at least here we have low prices most of time.

Im not going to clutter my writing with bickering. But I feel better because of it.
More on my art. I guess I haven’t really touched base on my art yet. I know the path in which I m taking my art and I know it can only get better especially if I paint everyday.
Its just sometimes I don’t feel as inspired as I could be. But I m excited because I cant wait to see what’s to come.
So im taking it to enchanted art. Enchanted scenes and worlds.
whew i wrote alot now im gonna go casue me and my mother just made spice cookies and im hungry (imigane that) till next time chow
Posted by ripewithbaby at 09:05 am care to comment
August 30th, 2005
blueberries and honey
Today I woke up around 2ish and went back to sleep around 3 and woke up around 6pm
Yea these days pregnancy really tires me. Im hungry all the time but I eat healthy so I know I wont really gain much un needed weight because its all so good for me.

Today I started on a new painting and im really happy with it,I have found a new styl of painting that really enjoy and im going to perfect it. Being pregnant really makes me feel much more creative when I have the energy. Scrapbooking is also really fun but it seems im always tired.

I have a few altars ( what pagan wouldn’t) and I do my daily devotionals and I have a spical candle for our child that I light every night in conscious awareness of this tiny being growing and evolving deep in my belly. This candle is charged with love and excitement for our child arrival. A simple ritual and thanks to the creative force that lies within. And for the miracle of life.

I ate French toast mashed potatoes and gravy green goodness orange juice some really good celery tomato garlic juice fresh from the juicer and yellow bell peppers and pasticcios and blueberries and red raspberries drenched in pure honey.

I try and sleep on my let side so give maximum blood flow to our baby I hate sleeping on my back and tummy I usually sleep on my sides anyways in fetal position so its not a huge adjustment.
I know recently I really don’t have much to say besides my daily details but im not sure what to say that is of importance.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 02:43 pm care to comment

August 29th, 2005

yummy food
Today I finally ate the Spanish food I wanted. Veggie chimmy,veggie enchalads,veggie tostadas, re fried beans and rice so yummy. Blueberries and honey. J
Anyways I woke up around usual time 1 ish pm that is. J we had a beautiful day.
My dearest husband changed my oil and his oil and we had a fun day together like every other day . anyways.
Yea so ive been so tired I took a nap today for about 2hours and its time for bed casue im draggin.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:12 pm care to comment

August 28th, 2005

a litte rant
A little ranting to do.
Well you know I hate when people talk to you like your somekind of indolent moron .
Older people especially seem to have this complex for some reason because their “older” like that means something.
Maybe back in the days when elders actually had something to show for. Wisdom and a spirit full of magic taken from every experience a body well taken care of and a heart very kind and compassionate.
Our elders for the most part are none of these things. Fat ,lazy, fed on garbage mentally psychically and spiritually polluted by lies and fear that our society pumps into them and they buy it. Nothing to look up to if I might say for myself.
So don’t treat me like I don’t get it. Or “someday you will learn your having a child” so that takes one out of the elite knowledge bracket or something? To “someday” don’t underestimate me obviously you haven’t a clue.
Im full of love.
i have compassion for others that are less evolved and newer to existence yes I do but there is a line …the line is past a certain point compassion need not get mistaken for being a door mat being walked all over because you tolerate their lack of comprehension.
I don’t think so . older people do im sure mean well but they do not understand and its not my job to make them understand except by living the only way I can that is by following my heart and spirit to where I need to be taken.




Posted by ripewithbaby at 08:24 am care to comment
August 27th, 2005
im always tired.always
Today I have been especially tired. yesterday me and my husband slept about 15 hours. I woke up at like 5 pm I did get up before that but then we decided to sleep some more. Yum I love sleep. Anyways.
My husband has been taking extra special care of me and I really appreciate all his efforts
Mentally, psychically and spiritually.
Always making sure I know that im beautiful and loved. How so very important. Especially now that I m carrying our child.
He is my world my universe. Having our own family . just us. This so beautiful.
Nothing else matters but our love. And the love for our child.
Today im tired it seems that’s all I am these days tired… and nauseous. But that’s ok. I ve been trying to stay conscious of you little bean. Sometimes I get caught up with my own stuff I forget to say hi and let you know I know your so fragile and loving. Hopefully next week we will get to see you with a ultrasound. Im excited. Anyways its nap time for me.
i went and got art and carfts supplies and spent over my limit i really didnt mean too. i bought clay for altar decorations and rubber stamps.
i started my preganacy scap book tonight. i ate some pasta with gound up brocolli peas and beans with yummy sauce but it was gross. i think casue the texture was to similar to hamburger which makes me wanna chunk. lol. o my. so i threw it out. i ate fresh corn and a spnich salad. apples and honey mustard.
Ok lets see here my food cravings have not yet been to extreme.
2 weeks ago I wanted ranch dressing on everything.
I always want potatoes .
I loved carrots and carrot juice 2 weeks ago the word carrot made me dry heave. Last week mush rooms made me sick they still do apparently my stomach turns thinking about their flavor and nasty texture when cooked. Ick! L
Chinese food a few days ago. I want Spanish food but im anti dairy


Posted by ripewithbaby at 02:05 am care to comment

August 25th, 2005

wednesday
Today I do feel much better.yea J I woke up early for me which is around 11 am .hunh. I that’s weird me getting up before noon. So then me and my gorgeous husband hung out and then we went to babbies r us to get the furniture we ordered in. a Armor and changing table we all ready have the crib. So now all we have to do is paint the room. Get new carpet and a new ceiling fan. Anyways. I fell asleep around 1 and woke up around 5 so I guess I woke up early just to say I did to go back to sleep. Im always so tired but I feel good.
Im craving Chinese food and all I ate was crystallized ginger not very much cause its potent stuff. Although I LOVE to eat raw garlic cloves and that is yum and apple cider vinegar straight with out cutting it with water .the more intensity the better. Right now my latest love affair with food is pistachios taken over my old love for cheese.
No dairy . I cant handle it anymore honestly it makes me feel so sick and my nose drains and makes me feel slimy. so no cheese I hate cows milk never have liked it .
So we are going to make all home made foods. I m getting into the habit right now. Because I don’t want to feed our child canned junk or any junk. Home made with love. i think that’s the best. Yea it takes time but its worth it.
Yea so that’s what’s going on in my head today.
Tired and hungry. Not much new.
Im always hungry. I know that im gonna be one hot mamma after I have our child even better than before I was pregnant. Just watch. The envy of all. Hahahaha.
Fabulously succulent and wild and no one can stop me.
Little one. How are you doing today?
I wonder what it must feel like in there…
Comfy. the sounds must be weird.all muffled and distorted kinda like being under water.
So now our baby can look at its hands and legs and can move around a little.
well now argung with parents about home birth time to GO. im out.
The fate of my day dramatically changed in a matter of like 2 minutes after I posted my entry for today. I went to my folks house and when I arrived there was no one home I felt like going out for Chinese or going some where to be together. My mom came home and was in a unusual bad mood.



But I tried to explain to her that I tried to call the doctor and she really got shitty with me and then started on the rampage of me going to the hospitable. So that’s it I m not going over there till she grows up. I don’t really care how long it takes but I m done.
No more.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 05:44 am care to comment

August 24th, 2005
thoughts on birth


Recently my moods have been kind of stable but more less in flux with irritation and sadness, sometimes. Hormones on a rampage. my belly is big now. Well to me it is the biggest I have EVER seen it, like wow there’s a little one in there as of now able to move its arms and legs and move in my womb. my 9th week starts on Saturday, soon I can a ultrasound. I have been talking to some women on this natural birth site that allows you to chat and use the message boards to get some very usefull info. Some women don’t even get ultrasounds now I know that there is a potential that some damage can be done by the waves but I cant wait to see our little one.
So then I have decided that most defiantly im doing a home birth. There really was not a doubt in my mind that that was what I wanted. I knew I wanted a home birth before I was pregnant. mothers…goddess bless their worried hearts but god….help them, to understand.



Mothers pressure
I do know that my mother does mean well, well intentions but she is trying to pressure me into a conventional birth. I m a gown woman and I chose the life I live and all its details and I have the choice to choose what kind of birth I want. Its not that I care what she thinks but I see my mom like every other day. I like to hang out we used to be like best friends so I like to try and get that back. But when my mom is constantly badgering me about a birthing room every 5 minutes im not kidding 5 minutes will pass and I will hear how big of a mistake this is bla bla bla . I really cant take it.my mother should be supportive and because I was adopted and my parents couldn’t have children I honestly think sometimes that she is jealous because im experiencing something that she always wanted. Some kind of weird envy coming back on me.
Im not conventional person in any way really so why would I choose a conventional birth?
There are thousands of women here in the states that do homebirths with our with out a midwife. I don’t think I want a mid wife im not sure. I totally want to do it by my self and im prepared to learn what I need to to do this right and beautifully.
Im just feeling pressured , slightly and wondering what all you wonderful women out there think about this. I hope it was worth your time reading.



I made homemade tomato soup today stewed my tomatoes for 3 or 4 hours and it was so yummy. I ate watermelon, blueberries and a apple and green goodness and orange juice and water today.



Ive been feeling kinda sick today on and off. Not really up for any visiting or company today maybe tomorrow when I feel up to it.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 09:17 am care to comment

September 15th to September 7th

September 15th, 2005

wednesday blurbs
Turns out my grandfather has stabilized and I think he will recover.

Ok last night I must say I had a salmon epidemic. I was craving it 2 days ago and last night thought I would try again sounded good well at first. It was ready 2 take out of the oven and I couldn’t do it the smell of fish urk. I went up to the bathroom to dry heave and shut myself in our room to keep away from the fish smell that seemed to creep up the stars behind me. My beautiful husband fed me a piece of it and I couldn’t swallow it . repulsed by the thought of fish.
Pregnant and unpredictable. Well always unpredictable but happen to be more intense and well wild.your tastes change day to day smells change and feelings change about certain foods in a matter of seconds .
It must be fall im wanting to change my appearance once again. having black hair my whole life and knowing the lack of permanence of hair dye its ok to switch it up unless your happy with your choice. We will see just what I do next hahaha J
Today I got a few crafty things to make for fall and my brother in laws wedding.
Anyways been busy today running around all day long it seems. I still have more to do.
Like eat J
Posted by ripewithbaby at 06:30 am care to comment

September 13th, 2005

death comes
Like a dark cloud carrying rain and a sure storm behind its presence death comes like a thief in the night. With no warning. A dark cloud is covering my family it seems.
I have not dealt with death since I was 12 years old.
My grandfather is dying and I have yet so much to say or tell not even yet to know who I am or our child.
Earlier this afternoon his heart stopped and they revived him. I m not sure what will happen overnight. But I m worried and saddened .
That life is so short is seems never long enough to tell your stories or show yourself truly.
That in April we had a fallen out and have not talked they didn’t come to my wedding either. Its truly sad.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 08:28 am 1 comments

food i love food

Today ahh..(sighs with a smile) was in fact a wonderful day nearing perfect.
I must say that my employer although has gotten to my last passive nerve.
I m not a passive person in general but I will let a lot of things slide because I m not overly uptight but today it was like I woke up with out sensors guarding my mouth or even mind.
Saying Exactly how it is with out being passive and laid back.
My bullshit detector was on today thats for sure(bullshit detector is really a humming devise built in oneself that gives one the ability to sense facades and well bullshit that people like to dish out) it was unbelievable a floodgate of words and suppressed emotions poured out of me unlike ever before( well to him anyways… not to say a few other unlucky souls have tasted my wrath before hehehe) I couldn’t stop myself and maybe that’s it . suppression kills us. Really I think so. I had a realization though out this experience. That I m expected to be censored and kept under tabs that no one wants to hear their deal. I don’t care because when Im in a rut I m thankful (afterwards) for the alternate reality check
Not out of hate or malice in my heart did I say things that were genuine .
Last year I really spent much time in silence even oaths of silence. Although oaths of silence are fun and awakening silence by not your choice is in fact very painful.
My voice is loud and becoming more beautiful with each chance I m allowed to express. Not to say I m not allowed but not ridiculed or harassed for beautiful expression through words spoken or through words sang.


My gorgeous husband set out yesterday on a mission of food for a sickly pregnant woman. And I must note that salmon was FAB U LOUS! Im not kidding it was orgasmic.
Today I did get my cake supplies for a minute I was going to quit because I wasn’t sure if it was all going to work out but it did. Im glad. So I m doing my practice cake chocolate yum.
Ive been craving junk.
How disappointing in myself but being pregnant I don’t want to deny my tastebuddies
Diet wise I have been kind of naughty this year having done better but I know I m more healthy this year for sure.
Now usually the rule is no meat products no dairy no animal products but salmon is wonderful and good for us.
I don’t feel so bad I know it will all be ok.
Anyways speaking of bad diet I gave into the little one co operating this body (now I know our baby doesn’t even know what a Dorito is) but Doritos and no meat no cheese spaghetti o’s plus some good food too of course but hey I cant wait . my dad went on a mission to get us Doritos. Something we both actually like and enjoy wow!
ok im so going to eat.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 08:00 am care to comment

September 12th, 2005

rumbles in my tumble

Yea, so I have not been feeling so hot recently. Usually nauseous randomly and now after meals as well. How lovely. I can see now why pregnant folks can get depressed like I was yesterday remembering the days when you actually felt good. Good enough to actually get dressed and do something but somedays you have no energy. No matter how great your diet is.
My wonderful husband has set out to get me doughnuts (what am I thinking?) and salmon which I have cut out all meats completely including fish. Being a vegan I have earlier in the year munched on chicken and now cant stand the thought of it usually not ever eating meat. But salmon to be honest is my favorite fish.
Jonny is so wonderful to me. He is always making sure im ok and if he can help I really feel that he is a active part of this pregnancy. My love for him is eternal as well for our child making us a divine family.

Just trying to keep myself happy. Not that that’s very hard im just not used to the lack of activity in my life. I love to run around and im aries so im full of energy (when not carrying a child) usually all the time. Most people cant keep up.
I painted 4 paintings last week and really its draining after its all done. Manic ups and creative spurts that last all day to when their done being drained kind of like having a child with each painting. I have written a lot this week and trying to work on my sites and my business ventures that do allow me to stay home. Thank the good goddess because I need to stay home especially with our child. I need to be home raising our child not at some day care hardly ever knowing us. Its something I have to do. That is necessary. Keeping up with our home cleaning nurturing and waiting for my lovely to arrive home.
Maybe old school but not everything was bad about some of the old traditions. Natives never went anywhere with out child. Close on their body or hand in hand.



I have not yet got back to the nursery but I will soon. The other changing table should arrive any day now. The original had a scratch from a box cutter and its really pretty.



Im going to try if I can this week to get that puppy my heart is set on we will see what is meant to be(with the puppy). I want a black one or maybe red. And name him thor lol. J
Not really but something newage ..
Well once again the story is that im tired and its time for a nap.so till tomorrow . chow
Posted by ripewithbaby at 04:49 am care to comment

September 11th, 2005

pregnancy thoughts
Good morning I had a few things to say about pregnancy today. I know its amazing right that’s why I created this blog and sometimes I write about everything else I but I guess it is all connected to our pregnancy because im experiencing it.
Anyways I wanted to tell you just how much static and opposition im getting from the choice of homebirth. And to be quite honest im sick of hearing about it. If people cant think in a positive manner than don’t even tell me your thoughts.
A few friends of mine had to get a c section and the reason was because the baby was just to big for the mother and there was no way that the baby would fit.
Ok you know I find this horribly ironic that and I found this in a midwife mag and it stimulated my thought. A mother has her 1st in a hospital they tell her the baby is too big gonna have to do a c section. So it is she undergoes the nasty process of it and then takes 6 weeks to heal. She gets pregnant again shortly after and decides to have her 2ond child at home. Amazing. That the second baby came through the same pelvis as the first and weighed close to the same. Tell me that is not a little bit crazy?
Ok so hospitals are so scary again for this reason.

Little one I have been feeling you more and more recently more connected to your little fabulous self. Im just trying to find the best way to go about welcoming you into this world with us. Today is your 11th week im so happy each week that goes by I get a little more excited. Except ive been feeling bad again. That’s not to much fun.


In the mornings I don’t want you to go. Just wrap your warm silky skin around mine. Don’t say you have to go, just hold me. I need to feel your touch. Nothing else soothes me. My hand clutched around your finger like a child just to feel you near so I can drift off into sleep safely. No one knows how much I love you or what that means to love you. The past doesn’t exist because our love is all that’s real. I feel you when your away but I always wish you would stay. Missing you already today.

Mu tumm tumm hurts and im kinda queezy and I think its time for a nap even thought I just woke up. The not so glamorous side of pregnancy ,sickness and the sleepy blues(sleeping in the nude or close to it, maybe glamorous after all)
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:06 am care to comment

September 10th, 2005

rambles
You know a few nights ago I had a dream of myself in the womb what I was experiencing or at least what our child is experiencing. And last night and I have had this dream recently as well I dream of eating very bad things for our baby like drinking a lot of coffee and getting jacked up on caffeine and in my dream in so worried and angry at myself for putting our child in harms way.
I don’t really desire caffeine but my dreams obviously tell me differently.

You know I was having to deal with some childhood traumas again last night showing me that the process is still going on the path of healing. Having almost raised myself running away living on the edge and on the edge of 17. my parents never really seemed to be into guidance and showing the way peacefully except for yelling and telling you that you wrong and there must be a change. A change in them . its no big deal but it would be nice to feel like I have parents I can depend on. I want to be that for our child.
Depend on me. I will show you the way by my living my patterns not just my voice and I shall not yell to show you the way my beautiful child.
So I feel not very connected to my family I don’t even know how were connected.
Knowing that im addicted to the rush of self righteousness and the rush of anger. Im trying to find a new way. I see with compassionate eyes but yet still at times crave the rush from anger. Its not really anger. I just feel like no one can stop me and im invincible im right and I don’t care other wise its not that other people are wrong I just don’t care when im like that. Its kinda fun. Im trying to find another way through.

The only way out is through. There is no going back

you know im going to try and go look at a teeny puppy today i hope i can afford it because my heart is set on one.i really want one and plus butercup would have a friend.we will see. i start my cake decorating classes tonight yep e im excited its going to be fun. anyways gots to go. chow
Posted by ripewithbaby at 01:14 am care to comment

September 8th, 2005
thinking

I just have been thinking about our family a awful lot today.
My husband is so amazing and I sometimes fail to capture the words that would even begin to express his beautiful radiant divine self. Twin flames can you believe it? I can its amazing. Really it is let me tell you from my experience that it is the best thing that ever happened to me. When you meet your soul mate your whole life beings and everything that came before seems to be some kind of weirdness because you have everything you ever desired.
My husband is even going to help me deliver our child into the world. How romantic is that folks? Omg its amazing…right here where all the magic happened during conception conscious love to take in the divine willing to become a family. Right here in the same place our child will enter this universe leaving my womb. Born where you were conceived. Not out of lust but love my child love. Never forget you were created from love. Our love can save the world. Thank you good goddess for all that you have blessed us with and all you will continue to bless us with. Blessed be!
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:19 pm care to comment

catching up

These potatoes are so good I cant even begin to tell you how great they make me feel. When I eat them my tummy settles down and I feel rather peaceful eating potatoes .i know its not exactly the best food for me to eat being starchy and all but there are much worse as well. I don’t care I don’t throw them up and they make so so very happy.
Potatoes I love you you make my tummy well
My tastebuds would love to marry to because you are the best to eat
And we can cook you a thousand different ways. No mashed potatoes please!!!! That will make me hurl. Lots of soy butter tons of rosemary and tons of cumin and garlic yes lots of garlic and we are set for a delicious tasty meal. J
i meant to post this like a week ago i guess i got caught up sleepin
Sometimes it is that I feel like all these passing intruding energies by me. My boundries are strong and think and able to keep out all I wish. Its just ever so annoying that some peoples energies are like leeches or some kind of creeping animal like a snake that is not trusted and slithery. As being pregnant as iam it is more important than ever to be protected and have outstanding boundaries because our child has not yet built its own defense system.
I know a lot of time friends do indeed mean well but their imposing ideas and opinions are often un wanted. I respect that every creature has its own impressions of the world and the universal flow but it should not be pushed on to another forcefully eith psyially implying or energetically.

My place in the world as I enter the public eye.i watch myself and I watch my thoughts and how I react to others. I do believe that the world is a beautiful safe place and that im welcome everywhere I go..

So if others are a mirror of self to an extent to a fine line it can not be so that when I look upon others I feel negativity about my self. I disagree. I feel free in this wolrd that im free to do as I please when I please and I can express and love freely. when we enter the every day world of society automatic things start to happen.
Roles come into play that we have made for ourselves, masks that we wear around others that we don’t know or don’t know well. Is it hiding or protection?
Protection because really within is so soft and radiant and knowing that others unlike yourself maybe jealous and try to tarnish what is held within so maybe masks are a way of self preservation.
To just be ones self in every situation in anyone’s presence I think is a true task I must say. To rid our selves of roles we feel we must partake in and masks to wear. Being open freely to express the beautiful being within. without feeling like you have to hide or be afraid to express.
Where do we fit into a society that is lost its self that most people haven’t a clue. Under developed and under evolved. Here being guide posts as living as a example of what is proper and to be.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:09 pm care to comment
September 7th, 2005
divine nectar
Fascinated by the world
Captivating me with every breath
Always felt the being within this skin more than human
Encased with divine nectar
Opening wide to all the possibilities of what’s to come
A goddess . . .brigid … goddess of the arts of fire
The divine feminine flame burns brightly within myself
Connecting to this creative force that drives me to live.
When I don’t create I fade like the summers last rose so memorable and unlike anoyother.
Creating is my souls driving need its what sets me free.
Our ultimate creation the act of creating a child.
A breathing living creature from my own flesh and the flesh of my husband.


The last 4 days I have been eating mashed potatoes and gravy like there no tomorrow. roasted veggies salad berries and just about anything you can think of im eating it.lol
Posted by ripewithbaby at 06:45 am care to comment