September 15th to September 7th

September 15th, 2005

wednesday blurbs
Turns out my grandfather has stabilized and I think he will recover.

Ok last night I must say I had a salmon epidemic. I was craving it 2 days ago and last night thought I would try again sounded good well at first. It was ready 2 take out of the oven and I couldn’t do it the smell of fish urk. I went up to the bathroom to dry heave and shut myself in our room to keep away from the fish smell that seemed to creep up the stars behind me. My beautiful husband fed me a piece of it and I couldn’t swallow it . repulsed by the thought of fish.
Pregnant and unpredictable. Well always unpredictable but happen to be more intense and well wild.your tastes change day to day smells change and feelings change about certain foods in a matter of seconds .
It must be fall im wanting to change my appearance once again. having black hair my whole life and knowing the lack of permanence of hair dye its ok to switch it up unless your happy with your choice. We will see just what I do next hahaha J
Today I got a few crafty things to make for fall and my brother in laws wedding.
Anyways been busy today running around all day long it seems. I still have more to do.
Like eat J
Posted by ripewithbaby at 06:30 am care to comment

September 13th, 2005

death comes
Like a dark cloud carrying rain and a sure storm behind its presence death comes like a thief in the night. With no warning. A dark cloud is covering my family it seems.
I have not dealt with death since I was 12 years old.
My grandfather is dying and I have yet so much to say or tell not even yet to know who I am or our child.
Earlier this afternoon his heart stopped and they revived him. I m not sure what will happen overnight. But I m worried and saddened .
That life is so short is seems never long enough to tell your stories or show yourself truly.
That in April we had a fallen out and have not talked they didn’t come to my wedding either. Its truly sad.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 08:28 am 1 comments

food i love food

Today ahh..(sighs with a smile) was in fact a wonderful day nearing perfect.
I must say that my employer although has gotten to my last passive nerve.
I m not a passive person in general but I will let a lot of things slide because I m not overly uptight but today it was like I woke up with out sensors guarding my mouth or even mind.
Saying Exactly how it is with out being passive and laid back.
My bullshit detector was on today thats for sure(bullshit detector is really a humming devise built in oneself that gives one the ability to sense facades and well bullshit that people like to dish out) it was unbelievable a floodgate of words and suppressed emotions poured out of me unlike ever before( well to him anyways… not to say a few other unlucky souls have tasted my wrath before hehehe) I couldn’t stop myself and maybe that’s it . suppression kills us. Really I think so. I had a realization though out this experience. That I m expected to be censored and kept under tabs that no one wants to hear their deal. I don’t care because when Im in a rut I m thankful (afterwards) for the alternate reality check
Not out of hate or malice in my heart did I say things that were genuine .
Last year I really spent much time in silence even oaths of silence. Although oaths of silence are fun and awakening silence by not your choice is in fact very painful.
My voice is loud and becoming more beautiful with each chance I m allowed to express. Not to say I m not allowed but not ridiculed or harassed for beautiful expression through words spoken or through words sang.


My gorgeous husband set out yesterday on a mission of food for a sickly pregnant woman. And I must note that salmon was FAB U LOUS! Im not kidding it was orgasmic.
Today I did get my cake supplies for a minute I was going to quit because I wasn’t sure if it was all going to work out but it did. Im glad. So I m doing my practice cake chocolate yum.
Ive been craving junk.
How disappointing in myself but being pregnant I don’t want to deny my tastebuddies
Diet wise I have been kind of naughty this year having done better but I know I m more healthy this year for sure.
Now usually the rule is no meat products no dairy no animal products but salmon is wonderful and good for us.
I don’t feel so bad I know it will all be ok.
Anyways speaking of bad diet I gave into the little one co operating this body (now I know our baby doesn’t even know what a Dorito is) but Doritos and no meat no cheese spaghetti o’s plus some good food too of course but hey I cant wait . my dad went on a mission to get us Doritos. Something we both actually like and enjoy wow!
ok im so going to eat.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 08:00 am care to comment

September 12th, 2005

rumbles in my tumble

Yea, so I have not been feeling so hot recently. Usually nauseous randomly and now after meals as well. How lovely. I can see now why pregnant folks can get depressed like I was yesterday remembering the days when you actually felt good. Good enough to actually get dressed and do something but somedays you have no energy. No matter how great your diet is.
My wonderful husband has set out to get me doughnuts (what am I thinking?) and salmon which I have cut out all meats completely including fish. Being a vegan I have earlier in the year munched on chicken and now cant stand the thought of it usually not ever eating meat. But salmon to be honest is my favorite fish.
Jonny is so wonderful to me. He is always making sure im ok and if he can help I really feel that he is a active part of this pregnancy. My love for him is eternal as well for our child making us a divine family.

Just trying to keep myself happy. Not that that’s very hard im just not used to the lack of activity in my life. I love to run around and im aries so im full of energy (when not carrying a child) usually all the time. Most people cant keep up.
I painted 4 paintings last week and really its draining after its all done. Manic ups and creative spurts that last all day to when their done being drained kind of like having a child with each painting. I have written a lot this week and trying to work on my sites and my business ventures that do allow me to stay home. Thank the good goddess because I need to stay home especially with our child. I need to be home raising our child not at some day care hardly ever knowing us. Its something I have to do. That is necessary. Keeping up with our home cleaning nurturing and waiting for my lovely to arrive home.
Maybe old school but not everything was bad about some of the old traditions. Natives never went anywhere with out child. Close on their body or hand in hand.



I have not yet got back to the nursery but I will soon. The other changing table should arrive any day now. The original had a scratch from a box cutter and its really pretty.



Im going to try if I can this week to get that puppy my heart is set on we will see what is meant to be(with the puppy). I want a black one or maybe red. And name him thor lol. J
Not really but something newage ..
Well once again the story is that im tired and its time for a nap.so till tomorrow . chow
Posted by ripewithbaby at 04:49 am care to comment

September 11th, 2005

pregnancy thoughts
Good morning I had a few things to say about pregnancy today. I know its amazing right that’s why I created this blog and sometimes I write about everything else I but I guess it is all connected to our pregnancy because im experiencing it.
Anyways I wanted to tell you just how much static and opposition im getting from the choice of homebirth. And to be quite honest im sick of hearing about it. If people cant think in a positive manner than don’t even tell me your thoughts.
A few friends of mine had to get a c section and the reason was because the baby was just to big for the mother and there was no way that the baby would fit.
Ok you know I find this horribly ironic that and I found this in a midwife mag and it stimulated my thought. A mother has her 1st in a hospital they tell her the baby is too big gonna have to do a c section. So it is she undergoes the nasty process of it and then takes 6 weeks to heal. She gets pregnant again shortly after and decides to have her 2ond child at home. Amazing. That the second baby came through the same pelvis as the first and weighed close to the same. Tell me that is not a little bit crazy?
Ok so hospitals are so scary again for this reason.

Little one I have been feeling you more and more recently more connected to your little fabulous self. Im just trying to find the best way to go about welcoming you into this world with us. Today is your 11th week im so happy each week that goes by I get a little more excited. Except ive been feeling bad again. That’s not to much fun.


In the mornings I don’t want you to go. Just wrap your warm silky skin around mine. Don’t say you have to go, just hold me. I need to feel your touch. Nothing else soothes me. My hand clutched around your finger like a child just to feel you near so I can drift off into sleep safely. No one knows how much I love you or what that means to love you. The past doesn’t exist because our love is all that’s real. I feel you when your away but I always wish you would stay. Missing you already today.

Mu tumm tumm hurts and im kinda queezy and I think its time for a nap even thought I just woke up. The not so glamorous side of pregnancy ,sickness and the sleepy blues(sleeping in the nude or close to it, maybe glamorous after all)
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:06 am care to comment

September 10th, 2005

rambles
You know a few nights ago I had a dream of myself in the womb what I was experiencing or at least what our child is experiencing. And last night and I have had this dream recently as well I dream of eating very bad things for our baby like drinking a lot of coffee and getting jacked up on caffeine and in my dream in so worried and angry at myself for putting our child in harms way.
I don’t really desire caffeine but my dreams obviously tell me differently.

You know I was having to deal with some childhood traumas again last night showing me that the process is still going on the path of healing. Having almost raised myself running away living on the edge and on the edge of 17. my parents never really seemed to be into guidance and showing the way peacefully except for yelling and telling you that you wrong and there must be a change. A change in them . its no big deal but it would be nice to feel like I have parents I can depend on. I want to be that for our child.
Depend on me. I will show you the way by my living my patterns not just my voice and I shall not yell to show you the way my beautiful child.
So I feel not very connected to my family I don’t even know how were connected.
Knowing that im addicted to the rush of self righteousness and the rush of anger. Im trying to find a new way. I see with compassionate eyes but yet still at times crave the rush from anger. Its not really anger. I just feel like no one can stop me and im invincible im right and I don’t care other wise its not that other people are wrong I just don’t care when im like that. Its kinda fun. Im trying to find another way through.

The only way out is through. There is no going back

you know im going to try and go look at a teeny puppy today i hope i can afford it because my heart is set on one.i really want one and plus butercup would have a friend.we will see. i start my cake decorating classes tonight yep e im excited its going to be fun. anyways gots to go. chow
Posted by ripewithbaby at 01:14 am care to comment

September 8th, 2005
thinking

I just have been thinking about our family a awful lot today.
My husband is so amazing and I sometimes fail to capture the words that would even begin to express his beautiful radiant divine self. Twin flames can you believe it? I can its amazing. Really it is let me tell you from my experience that it is the best thing that ever happened to me. When you meet your soul mate your whole life beings and everything that came before seems to be some kind of weirdness because you have everything you ever desired.
My husband is even going to help me deliver our child into the world. How romantic is that folks? Omg its amazing…right here where all the magic happened during conception conscious love to take in the divine willing to become a family. Right here in the same place our child will enter this universe leaving my womb. Born where you were conceived. Not out of lust but love my child love. Never forget you were created from love. Our love can save the world. Thank you good goddess for all that you have blessed us with and all you will continue to bless us with. Blessed be!
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:19 pm care to comment

catching up

These potatoes are so good I cant even begin to tell you how great they make me feel. When I eat them my tummy settles down and I feel rather peaceful eating potatoes .i know its not exactly the best food for me to eat being starchy and all but there are much worse as well. I don’t care I don’t throw them up and they make so so very happy.
Potatoes I love you you make my tummy well
My tastebuds would love to marry to because you are the best to eat
And we can cook you a thousand different ways. No mashed potatoes please!!!! That will make me hurl. Lots of soy butter tons of rosemary and tons of cumin and garlic yes lots of garlic and we are set for a delicious tasty meal. J
i meant to post this like a week ago i guess i got caught up sleepin
Sometimes it is that I feel like all these passing intruding energies by me. My boundries are strong and think and able to keep out all I wish. Its just ever so annoying that some peoples energies are like leeches or some kind of creeping animal like a snake that is not trusted and slithery. As being pregnant as iam it is more important than ever to be protected and have outstanding boundaries because our child has not yet built its own defense system.
I know a lot of time friends do indeed mean well but their imposing ideas and opinions are often un wanted. I respect that every creature has its own impressions of the world and the universal flow but it should not be pushed on to another forcefully eith psyially implying or energetically.

My place in the world as I enter the public eye.i watch myself and I watch my thoughts and how I react to others. I do believe that the world is a beautiful safe place and that im welcome everywhere I go..

So if others are a mirror of self to an extent to a fine line it can not be so that when I look upon others I feel negativity about my self. I disagree. I feel free in this wolrd that im free to do as I please when I please and I can express and love freely. when we enter the every day world of society automatic things start to happen.
Roles come into play that we have made for ourselves, masks that we wear around others that we don’t know or don’t know well. Is it hiding or protection?
Protection because really within is so soft and radiant and knowing that others unlike yourself maybe jealous and try to tarnish what is held within so maybe masks are a way of self preservation.
To just be ones self in every situation in anyone’s presence I think is a true task I must say. To rid our selves of roles we feel we must partake in and masks to wear. Being open freely to express the beautiful being within. without feeling like you have to hide or be afraid to express.
Where do we fit into a society that is lost its self that most people haven’t a clue. Under developed and under evolved. Here being guide posts as living as a example of what is proper and to be.
Posted by ripewithbaby at 12:09 pm care to comment
September 7th, 2005
divine nectar
Fascinated by the world
Captivating me with every breath
Always felt the being within this skin more than human
Encased with divine nectar
Opening wide to all the possibilities of what’s to come
A goddess . . .brigid … goddess of the arts of fire
The divine feminine flame burns brightly within myself
Connecting to this creative force that drives me to live.
When I don’t create I fade like the summers last rose so memorable and unlike anoyother.
Creating is my souls driving need its what sets me free.
Our ultimate creation the act of creating a child.
A breathing living creature from my own flesh and the flesh of my husband.


The last 4 days I have been eating mashed potatoes and gravy like there no tomorrow. roasted veggies salad berries and just about anything you can think of im eating it.lol
Posted by ripewithbaby at 06:45 am care to comment